RealPagan- Paganism for the Real World

A lot of changes are happening in my life these days. After a few weeks of searching, I have found a job that is to start the week before Xmas or first week of January. My new bosses are very busy and are not sure when they will best be available to show me everything I need to know before their next trip abroad.


I will be taking on the secretary job again, but this time for a flight training school. My photography studies will keep me busy when I have time to myself, but the secretary skills will keep the family budget afloat! :)


I was trying to get pregnant and succeeded twice, but I lost both pretty early on (before 8 weeks). Now we have an additional member living with us, but it's my husband 16 yr old son (who used to live with his mom).


So, my husband doesn't want anymore children at this point. I am not 100% in agreement. I agree that it is not the right moment, when you first find a job, to be pregnant. But I always wanted to give my kids a little sister (ya, I know that you can't really guarantee a girl).. On the other hand, we are a happy family unit, we are happy to have the oldest with us full time as well... And my husband secretly hopes to recuperate his other son, I know that... Still that little voice says, but...


I wonder if it isn't just my hormones telling me "no, you are not too old to still have babies". I will turn 42 in December after all. Am I just rebelling against my advancing age, or is it a real desire to have a little person that is half him and half me?


If I was reasonable, I would say okay, that is enough... But I still would love to have a baby with my husband. So, we will see. I will take the time to start my new job, welcome our new full-time son, take care of finding a new appartment and car, etc. Then we'll see if I still feel the same or not.


I think that I'll read some cards...

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Tags: journal, personal

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