In the midst of being pregnant I suddenly felt overwhelmed with planning for the baby, dealing with the pains and joys of my experience and kindling my spirituality...
SO ONE DAY I JUST QUIT.
This is not the first time. No, I didn't quit believing, I didn't quit "calling out", I didn't quit praying... I just stopped doing rituals, acknowledging the full moon or the Sabbats, as I usually do. I was stretched too thin... and there is an odd part of me that feels that pregnancy itself is like a ritual, each birth an initiation into a new chapter of life. So, I did not want to insult that proccess by interupting it.
The only time I noticed any moon was the night before I had my second daughter Zoie... it was a full moon, and my mother's birthday and (because I was SO focused on having that baby) I thought how wonderful would it be to have and extraordinary alignment of events to have her ON a full moon, on my mother's birthday...
Anyways, since then I haven't really practiced at all. I have been busy, and lazy. I haven't TAKEN the time to re-energize my practice. So why am I here?
Well the strangest thing happened yesterday. My 2.5 year old daughter was playing as my husband, I and my MIL were chatting and watching some TV. A few days ago my daughter dug up a tiny broom out of my "stuff" and had been pretending to clean house with it. Well my daughter took a wide cloth headband and was wearing it as a blind fold carrying around my broom, by the bristles when suddenly she stopped in her tracks, took off her "blindfold" and pointed to the ground yelling "Water Nana (my MIL), dig, dig!!!" she then grabbed the broom, saddled it "backwards" (bristles up) and rain around saying "I am a witch"
What on earth? If you were a long-time pagan like I am, you are probably thinking the same things... first off the blindfold thing sounds just like dowsing... and the witch thing, ok TV... but why wouldn't she ride the broomstick a-la wizard of oz style (bristles back). The bigger question, where on earth would a 2.5 year old pick these things up, if not from me? Certainly not on nick jr.!
Rhiannon has always been very "attuned" I think... but all this blew my mind... remember I haven't been practicing for months... and I have never dowsed. Am I neglecting my daughter by not instilling in her faith (I don't mean MAKING her believe as I do... but giving her something, some concept of the divine, since I really do believe)... And even more have I neglected myself, my patron gods, my own growth. I mean how can I give her anything that I don't have.
My newest daughter's name is Zoie. It means life. I need to come back to it.
Inspiration, Faith, Balance... comes from the strangest places!
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