30 Truths - Inspired by Jennifer

1. Something you hate about yourself.

How I quickly jump to conclusions and have the urge to simply remove the cause instead of solving the problem.


2. Something you love about yourself.

My wits.

3. Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Clinging onto a hopeless love without return. It's hard to let go of such feelings and I should give myself some credit for going this far without losing it.

4. Something you have to forgive someone for.

I can't think of anyone I have to forgive and I haven't done so. There are some people I have not forgiven, but I cannot do so in those cases.

5. Something you hope to do in your life.

Finish my university for starters! LOL Getting a job and helping my family as well. We'll see afterwards.

6. Something you hope you never have to do.

Kill someone I love. Life is way too bizarre so you never know... I just don't want to do that.

7. Someone who has made your life worth living for.

My mother and the rest of my family, my friends and even myself in some ways.

8. Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Various people that are either forgotten know or thoroughly removed.

9. Someone you didn't want to let go, but they just drifted away.

My best friend throughout most of my school years.

10. Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

Sadly, my father. He's almost nothing but a negative influence. He's currently out of touch but I don't know when he'll decide he's ok again and returns... I don't want him back.

11. Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Brains, hair, talents (which I don't think I have in the degree people tell me >_> ).

12. Something you never get compliments on.

Uh... my looks, I guess.

13. A band or artist who has gotten you through some tough times. (Write a letter)

Music doesn't really affect me that way. I don't have any kind of band or artist that has helped me with their work through anything. This is the best I have:

Thank you to all artists whose work I love for enriching my daily life with your awesome music!

14. A hero that has let you down. (Write a letter)

Aunt,
I love you dearly and you know it. However, I am old enough to see your flaws and mistakes. You are immature and don't have the will to solve your most troubling problems. When you fought with mom, I understood that I should no longer hold you on a pedestal. I still love you though, I simply know you better.

15. Someone or something you can't live without, because you tried living
without.

I haven't tried living without it, but I'd say family. I'd love to have my own place. I wouldn't want to be completely alienated from my family though.

16. Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Useless people, idiots, anything that aggravates me and offers nothing good.

17. A book you've read that changed your views on something.

DaVinci Code. Silly I know but for a 13-year-old me, it was a revelation that spurred my religious evolution.

18. What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I like religion when it's pure in its ideals and practice (rather, as pure as possible). I hate it when it becomes a marketing scheme or an excuse for agendas. Own your stuff people.

I dislike politics.

19. Or views on gay marriage.

I doubt I'd marry anyone even though I am gay but I believe in equal rights. Everyone should be able to exercise them, even if they never happen to fulfill them.

20. Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I am completely against drugs unless they serve a medicinal purpose.

I don't like alcohol due to various familial experiences but I have no problem if moderation governs consumption.

21. (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident. You got into a fight an hours earlier. What do you do?

Immediately go to their side, comfort them and apologize for the fight. It is stupid to hold onto petty fights during such a serious situation.

22. Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

I don't regret anything in my life. Some things might have been better if they didn't happen or if they had happened differently of course... but I regret nothing. :)

23. Something you wish you had done in your life.

Stood up for myself more as a child and teenager.
Too many missed chances to voice myself and perhaps having changed situations.

24. Make playlist to someone, and explain why you chose those songs.

Uh oh. I'm not good with song questions. Music rarely makes me think of anything or anyome.

25. The reason you believe you are still alive today.

A combination of "not my time yet", Will, Gods, loved ones and luck.

26. Have you ever thought about giving up on life. If so when and why?

Yes. I have contemplated suicide on a number of occasions. The reason was broken heart, more emotional pain than what I could tolerate at that point.

27. What's the best thing going for you right now?

My friends actually. Even more than my family, right now, what seems to be good in my life is friendship.

28. What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, the first is physically impossible. The second is close to the first's impossibility. I wouldn't worry about it because the probability to get someone pregnant is almost zero.

29. Something you hope to change about yourself and why.

I want to become better with expressing my thoughts and feelings. I can't seem to express things as I mean them and create issues. Another thing would be changing my urge to fix everything when I know I can't or even shouldn't.

30. A letter to YOURSELF...tell yourself everything you love about yourself.

Stef,
You are smart and handsome even if you don't think so. You have talents and skills and a maturity that most of your peers do not possess. You aren't perfect but that's ok. You can't do everything and that's ok. You are young and you have a lot of time to get things to happen so take it slow. Stop worrying that every word of disdain and every exclamation of unrest is about you. Everyone does not hate you and those that do... well, you can't please everyone. Stop worrying that people will abandon you or that good things die the moment something goes wrong. Build up your confidence, self-esteem, get back that optimism of yours and use your wits.

With love and the greatest understanding possible,
Yourself