Strata's Posts - RealPagan- Paganism for the Real World

Our Handfasting Pictures!

2011-05-17T23:44:17.000Z

So here's the link to *some* of the pictures taken at our handfasting. Altogether there were probably over 1000 pics taken!! I'm sure you all will recognize some of the fabulous people; Oakthorne, Lady Morgen, Jen (Pixie), Aislynn, and Braeden!!

It was honestly the best day ever, and the most beautiful ceremony I have ever seen, thanks our many amazing friends/family.

Enjoy the pics!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bearguy77/sets/72157626722324536/

Love and Blessings,

Strata

A Prosperity Working

2011-04-12T17:17:13.000Z

The following is an prosperity working that I preformed for a friend. I am posting it here with that friend's permission. However, the name will be omitted to protect their privacy.

Materials Needed:

Prosperity Master Candle (See THIS post for information on creating yours)

Green Taper Candle for Client Candle ( See THIS post for information on creating yours)

Prosperity Oil

Basil

Patchouli

Pyrite

Loadstone Oil

Two Dollar Bill

Green Embroidery Thread

Spell Parchment

Green Pen used for prosperity spells

Procedure:

I began by creating my Money Drawing

Client candle. I dressed it in Prosperity Oil from Lucky Mojo and rolled it in basil and patchouli. I lit it from my Master Prosperity Candle, speaking its purpose to it, to draw money to the client. Then, I allowed it to burn for a bit, long enough to create enough wax to cover the wick and seal its purpose inside

Then I placed the candle on my altar and gathered my other materials for the working.

After everything was prepared, I re-lit the client candle. Then, using my green spell pen, I wrote the client's name on the parchment and placed five drops of wax from the client candle on the parchment in a five-faced die pattern, with the last drop in the center of the client's name.

Next, I took the pyrite and dressed it in lodestone oil. Then, folded the two dollar bill towards myself and wrapped it around the pyrite. Holding it there, I folded the name parchment towards myself and wrapped it around both the pyrite and the two dollar bill in the opposite direction. Next, I took the green thread and wrapped it around the bundle nine times before tying it off.

After the bundle was tied, I placed three drops of prosperity oil along the thread and sealed the knot with three drops of wax from the client candle.

Then, the bundle sat on my altar while the client candle burned.

Now, the client will bury the bundle near their front door and it will do its thing. :)

My First Witches Bottle

2011-04-11T02:24:21.000Z

First, I want to start by saying that this spell was inspired by a spell Grayson posted in the hoodoo group, which can be found HERE.

Here is my version. My first Witches Bottle. :) I found this bottle at a local Goodwill store and decided that it was perfect for a Witches Bottle. I loved the wooden top because I can paint it...

So I did....

The top I painted red, to make it pretty actually, more inviting. It seemed fitting. On the inside, under the lid, I hid a pentagram, to protect the exit. Prevent what is inside from getting outside.

Then I gathered all of my ingredients together onto my workspace.

Like Grayson, I decided on red thread to intice the "nasties," as he calls them, into my jar. However, I also added red tulle. It's as bright and inviting as the thread, but adds a net-like quality, to help capture the nasties. I also used silver bells. I know that bells are commonly used to ward of "evil" and that using them in a spell designed to "intice and trap" seems a bit counterproductive, but something said "use them." So I did. They are shiny and silver, and seem even more inviting to me.

In addition, I chose comfrey and patchouli, two herbs associated with Saturn, for their binding qualities, and mint for purification. I chose to use salt also for purification and grounding. The spiny thing on the far right is a Sweet Gum tree seed pod. I chose it for its protective qualities.

The black candle I used to charge the spell with its purpose, binding. I used the Patchouli oil to annoint the candle and the pentagram.

Procedure:

First, I annointed my black binding candle with patchouli oil, and lit it while speaking my intent to it. Then I got to work. I held the ceramic dish with my herbs over the candle's flame and concentrated on the purpose of their work. Then I poured the salt into a small bowl, and added each herb one at a time, speaking its purpose to each. Then I stirred them together concentrating on my intent and poured them into the jar. Next I placed the sweet gum seed pod in, instructing it to give protection against anything caught in the jar.

Then, I cut nine lengths of red thread. I tied three together, with three knots, tying bells onto the string with the last knot. I did this three times, so that I ended up with three bundles of three threads, each with bells on one end. Then I ran each bundle through the flame speaking my intent to it. I placed one thread in the jar and then placed a piece of tulle on top of that, instructing the tulle to catch anything the thread brought in. Then I placed another bundle and another piece of tulle the same way, and then the last bunch.

After, all the ingredients were safely inside, I place three drops of my High John oil on top to give it some extra *oomph*. Then I annointed the pentagram with patchouli oil and traced some oil around the jar's seal. Next I closed the lid and sealed it with wax from my binding candle.

I let the candle continue to burn until it was almost gone. Then, I blew it out to activate the spell. Now, I have my very first Witches Bottle, sitting on my shelf.

Making My Conjure Graveyard!

2011-04-07T03:30:00.000Z

Before any of this post will make any sense, one has to be familiar with what a "Conjure Graveyard" is. A conjure graveyard is simply a way to dispose of *left-over* material from your hoodoo workings. Those that do not have a specified means for doing so. For more information on this, please see THIS post by our very own Fan-tab-ulous Oakthorne.

All that is required to construct a standard conjure graveyard is a container with a lid, a white cloth big enough to drape the four corners outside of the container, and graveyard dirt collected for this purpose. However, I am OCD and everything has to *feel* just right to me. No ordinary container would do. I searched for something for a couple weeks. I looked at Wal-Mart, Target, World Market, even antique stores. Nothing. Then, one day, I was standing in Wal-Mart, in the office supply section, and I saw a normal, ordinary, faux leather, black, storage box. *light bulb* I'll make my own!!

So it started like this::

Then I had to develop a design that symbolized, to me, the purpose of the graveyard. I chose the ouroboros and winged death with its sickle. I chose the ouroboros based on its alchemical application, the unity of all things, eternally; and the cycle of birth and death. Enclosed in the ourobos is winged death, who guards over the grave until the time in which it will be returned to the earth, and the cycle will be continued.

First Draft:

Outlined::

Completed::

After the image was complete, I cut it out, roughly circlular, and glued it to the top of my box.

I felt the need to protect my conjure graveyard, as it will hold the reminents of my conjure works. First, I annointed the top of my box in a five-face die pattern with a protection oil. Then, I dressed a small 4' red altar candle with the same protection oil. I placed the candle on top of the box, in a brass star candle holder, directly in the middle. I lit this candle from my Master Purpose candle while stating my intent to it, to protect the contents of my graveyard.

Now, I will allow my candle to burn down. When it is almost gone I will blow it out, sending the spell on it's way. Tomorrow, I will place my white cloth inside, along with graveyard dirt collected for this purpose. Then, presto! Ready to go!

Setting My Protection and Healing Lights

2011-04-06T04:30:00.000Z

*** If you are not familiar with hoodoo Master Purpose Candles please see THIS post first. Thanks.

Tonight, due largely to the fact that I NEED them, I decided to finally set my Master Purpose Candles for Protection and Healing. I began by chosing colors for both candles. For protection I chose red. I went back and forth about this because I've read may different candle correspondences calling for different colors for protection, non of them red. Red *felt* right to me. To me red is a less passive protective energy. I ultimately chose it for that reason. I'm not passive, and neither will my protection works be. For my healing candle I chose a more traditional color, blue. I chose blue for its obvious connection to water and its healing qualities.

Next, I created seals for both candles.

For the protection candle I used a personal protection seal that I have used before and the Star of David. For the healing candle, I drew a nautilus shell. I chose the nautilus for it connection with water, but also because of the personal connection I have with the image. Much of the nautilus's symbolism, for me, comes from the Oliver Wendell Holmes poem "The Chambered Nautilus." To me, this poem, symbolizes a deeper healing than just the physical. It symbolizes a spiritual and emotional healing, which I believe we sometimes neglect to think about in our work.

Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul,
As the swift seasons roll!
Leave thy low-vaulted past!
Let each new temple, nobler than the last,
Shut thee from heaven with a dome more vast,
Till thou at length art free,
Leaving thine outgrown shell by life’s unresting sea!

Below the nautilus is rough Theban that states, simply, "Heal".

I then annointed each piece of parchment with the appropriate oil in a five-face die patter, and taped them to their corresponding candle.

Now, it was time to dress the candles. I used the same oil I used to annoint the seals. For the protection candle I used Fiery Wall of Protection Oil and for the healing candle I used Healing Oil, both from Lucky Mojo. I dressed both by rubbing oil clock-wise around the top of the candle three times. Then, using a taper candle, I brought the light from my Master Candle to each Master Purpose Candle, first the protection candle then the healing.

Next, I allowed the candles to burn for a bit, creating a nice "pool" of melted wax and oil. Then, I added three drops of my High John the Conqueror Oil to each and allowed them to burn another half hour before extinguishing their flames.

My High John the Conqueror Oil

2011-04-02T03:46:58.000Z

***If you are unfamiliar with High John Oil, please see THIS article before proceeding.

When making my High John Oil, first, I gathered my ingredients onto my altar. Then I took "John," my High John root, out of his home on the altar. I, then, placed him by my materials so that he could "watch." I took a moment to explain to John what I was going to do, and how this oil would be used to feed him among other things.

Then I took a white taper candle and lit it, holding it in the air, I imagined powerful, steady engergy pouring into the flame from all around. Then, I used this candle to light my "Master Candle." This oil feels very personal to me, and I wanted some of my "essence" to imbue it, through my Master Candle.

My Recipe::

Almond Oil Base - 6 oz.

High John the Conqueror Chips - Handful

Dragon's Blood Resin Powder - couple pinches

Frankincense Essential Oil - 10 drops

Cedar Chip - 1 Large

I added the High John chips, first, while telling John exactly what I was doing. Then I let them just sit there for a few minutes, soaking up the oil and spreading their energy.

Then I added the Dragon's Blood resin, the Frankincense oil, and the cedar chip to the mix. The Dragon's blood resin turned the oil a nice dark pink shade, and the cedar chip should continue to color it a bit over the next few days. The whole time I kept talking to John.

When all was said and done, I let everything sit for about ten minutes, then I extinguished my Master Candle, and put John back in his home, assuring him that he would soon have the new oil we had made.

Now, my High John oil is sitting on my altar, where it will remain for the next week or so, while it *matures*. Then it will be put to good use, often.

Rose of Jericho/Saint Expedite Petition Ritual

2011-03-24T03:30:00.000Z

Due to the personal nature of the petition being made, some details will be omitted from this account. However, I believe that the important information is being passed along. :)

This blog will illustrate a personal petition ritual I preformed, involving a Rose of Jericho (Resurection Plant) and a Saint Expedite candle.

If you are not familiar with the Rose of Jericho, they are remarkable plants. They are considered talismans for protection, blessing, and prosperity. When dormant they resemble tumble weeds or dead cedar boughs. Mine looked like this::

As you can see, I have placed it in a bowl containing a couple inches of water. The plant is not dead, simply dormant. Once placed in water, it begins to open up. After two hours, it looked like this::

TWO HOURS:

FOUR HOURS:

ONE DAY:

SEVEN DAYS:

On the seventh day, Wednesday (I chose this day because it is the traditional day to work with Saint Expedite.), I removed the Rose of Jericho from its water. I saved a portion of the water in a small hermetically sealed jar for use in future workings, and discarded the rest. When the Rose of Jericho is removed from its water source it begins to slowly return to its dormant state, closing up. The idea is to seal your petition inside the closed plant until the time that it is granted.

At this point, using a small taper candle I lit my Master Candle and allowed it to cook, while I began to construct my petition. Taking a small piece of paper, I wrote my petition out, while concentrating on it being fullfilled. I then annointed the paper in a five-face-die pattern, one dot in each corner and one in the center. For this work, I used Lucky Mojo's Blessing Oil. After the annointing, I folded the paper in half once, towards my body. Then in half again, and then once more. Always towards my person, and always concentrating on my desired outcome. Then, I placed the petition in the middle of the still open plant, on my altar, along with two small personal items.

With a small taper candle I transfered the light from my Master Candle to my Saint Expedite candle, both on my altar.

(You can read HERE a little about Saint Expedite and about how I made this candle)

Then, I said a small prayer to Saint Expedite, asking him to lend his speed to my petition. To keep anything from delaying it, to "expedite" it if possible, and to provent those involved from procrastinating on anything that might slow down my petition. In return, I vowed that, once the petition was granted, I would light a red candle in his honor every Wednesday for a year, and provide him with offerings of fresh flowers and sponge cake. I allowed the candle to burn for a few hours before pinching it out, and I will continue to light it every day until it is almost gone, at which point I will blow the candle out. Once, the petition is granted I will use the empty novena as a vase for offerings of flowers to the Saint.

When the petition is granted, I will place the Rose of Jericho back in water, where it will once again leave its dormant state and open. (They can repeat this cycle for years) I will remove the petition and items and use the Rose for another work. I will also begin my offereings to Saint Expedite, for a year, from that day.

Making my Saint Expedite Candle

2011-03-24T01:30:00.000Z

SAINT EXPEDITE

There is a humourous story about Saint Expedite's arrival in New Orleans. According to folklore, when the Chapel of Our Lady of Guadalupe was being completed, the priests commissioned a staute of the Virgin from Spain. When the crate containing the statue arrived another crate accompanied it. On the second crate was written the word "EXPEDITE" and inside was the statue of a Roman Centurion. The priest mistook the shipping instructions, "EXPEDITE," to be the Saint's name. And so Saint Expedite arrived in New Orleans.

Saint Expedite is a folk saint, not formally accepted by the Catholic Church. However, he is popular in Spain, Portugal, Italy, Latin American, New Orleans, and among hoodoo. He is typically called upon to "expedite," or speed up, workings or petitions. He is also called upon to assist in breaking the bad habit of procrastination. A practioner will call on Saint Expedite with the vow of an offering once the petition is granted. Typical offering for this Saint are fresh flowers, sponge cake, and red candles. It is important to wait until after the petition has bene fulfilled and to FOLLOW through with your vow. You can find out more about Saint Expedite from Lucky Mojo and Saint Expedite Org.

Saint Expedite is usually depicted as a Roman Centurion with his right foot standing on a dead raven. From the raven's mouth there is a word-ribbon, CRAS. The Saint also carries a cross with the word HODIE on it. CRAS is Latin for "tomorrow," while "HODIE" is Latin for "today." The Saint is essentially snuffing out tomorrow in favor of today. Don't put off until tomorrow what can be done today.

Making My Candle

Where I live it is very hard to find Saint Candles. I can find the plain white novena's, but the colored ones are almost impossible. Therefore, when the need arose, I was inspired to create my own.

I started with plain cardstock and created a design that symbolized, to me, Saint Expedite. ***This is my own, original work, based on tradtional symbology.:

My design includes the dead raven and it's word-ribbon, CRAS, along with the Cross inscribed with HODIE. Today instead of tomorrow. The Cross is haloed in honor of the Saint. Around the edge reading from the top, clockwise, it says "Protector, Martyr, Swift One, Bless Us, Amen." For this I used Illuminati script, simply because it is something I am fairly familiar with. I chose red for the border and internal writing because it is the color generally associated with Saint Expedite.

Traditionally, one would use a red candle for Saint Expedite, but red novenas are not easily available to me, so I chose a white novena candle instead. I cut the design out, as seen above. Then, using clear plastic packaging tape, I carefully attached the design to my candle, making sure to cover all the paper to protect it.

Once completed, I dressed the top of the candle with Lucky Mojo Blessing Oil. Lucky Mojo also makes a Saint Expedite Oil that would, of course, be appropriate. I rubbed a portion clockwise around the top three times. Then I placed my candle on my altar until the time came to use it.

Buying Graveyard Dirt

2011-03-23T00:27:20.000Z

In the following, I will share my experience buying graveyard dirt from a very close relative, my Nan. Due to the personal nature of this experience and my intentions, I will leave some details out. I am sure everyone will understand.

Today, after class, I visited Keeton Cemetery, where most of my maternal family has been buried since the late 1800s. I haven't visited in four years, since my Nan's funeral. The cemetery is set in a clearing ontop of a tall hill. My Nan's grave is located in the older part of of the cemetery, next to headstones that are simply old stones. I am not sure why she is located there, away from the rest of our recently deceased relatives.

I slowly made my way to my Nan's grave, a little bit nervous, actually, feeling guilty about not having visited in the whole four years, and knowing *my* Nan. See everyone should have someone in their life like my Nan. She is not what you think of the stereotypical grandmother being, but she *is* what I think every grandmother should be. My Nan is a firecracker. She is loud, boisterous, and always honest. She always tells you the truth, even if you don't ask, and especially if you don't want to hear it. She is everyone's Nan. And half the time you aren't sure if she even likes you, but Heaven help the soul that ever hurts one of "hers."

Once I made it there, I sat down, right in the middle. I just sat there, listening. After a while, I was sure that she knew I was there, and that she knew why, as she always seemed to when I came to her when she was living. I just sat there and talked to her, like I use to. Eventually, I got around to explaining why I was there, and what I wanted to ask of her. I got the distinct feeling that she was saying, "You better be glad you came to me for this." Typical Nan.

"Traditional" payment for graveyard dirt is usually silver dimes. Instead, my payment was a silver cross and a turquoise stone, two things that were very special to her in life. For libation, I brought Dasani water. My Nan was a recovering alcoholic, who replaced her alcohol addiction with a Dasani addiction. Only Dasani water, she would drink nothing else.

I dug a small plug and removed it. Then, I removed about two small handfulls of dirt and placed them in a small glass jar with a lid. I placed the cross and stone in the hole, and covered them with the plug. I poured out the libation onto the grave and then I laid down there and just visited. I stayed there, at the grave, for a long time, until I felt it was time to bring her home.

And then I realized that I had locked my keys and phone in my car.... seriously... not cool. I had to walk to some strangers house to call for help. But all is well. :)

Currently, I am allowing the dirt to dry. Well, as dry as clay gets. :P But, after that, a portion will be placed on my ancestoral altar, and a portion will be saved for other uses.

Note to my son regarding his sexuality...

2011-01-13T23:09:43.000Z

***I copied this from my FB where I originally posted it there in response to LGBT teen suicides and hatespeak towards the LGBT community. After reading Jennifer's forum post "Troubling Times," I felt it was appropriate to move here. These are my own sentiments towards my son, who is currently four.

[Son],

Mommy loves you. I love you regardless of your sexuality or your gender identification. As I understand both are part of who you are, and who you are is beautiful. I love you so much. Please always be exactly who you are, and always be proud of that. I will always be proud of you. Also, please respect and love others for who they are. And stand up for anyone who is bullied or discriminated against because they are *different.* You are never alone, and no one else should ever have to feel alone. Be there for those who have no one else, just as I will always be there for you. I love you, [Son].

Love,

Mommy

So you want a fresh start....

2010-12-27T22:30:00.000Z

Over the last few months, I have heard a lot of people both online and off making statements like, "I just want to move on. Can't you just forget about it?" OR "I want a fresh start. Why are you judging me on things from that past?" And honestly, I am confused by the logic behind such statements.

First, let me say that I am not a big believer in the idea that people really change, period. Not major changes anyways, not often. Usually when such changes take place they are the result of extreme circumstances. So why should anyone believe that a person has changed just because they say so? Of course we judge you based on your past. Your actions are of the past, and they are all we have to truly judge you on. In turn, if you want to change our perception of you it will be your *actions* that are important. You cannot just say, "But I am different now," and expect us to forget all past transgressions. The burden of proof is on YOU, and it is your actions.

And guess what? This may not be an easy nor a fast process. If you wronged a person or a group, it is YOUR responsibility to make that right, and YOUR responsibility to take actions necessary to make ammends. This could take a lot of time and effort on your part. The offended person or group has no responsibility to you. Do not whine that you are being judged. All people judge and all are judged. This is a necessary part of life and of social interaction. If we did not judge we would all stumble through life blind fools.

Secondly, giving you a "second chance" does not mean that we completely forget about your past actions. It does not even mean that we forgive you. It simply means that we agree to not completely write you off. Also, this is a courtesy we are extending you. It is NOT required of us, so do not cry foul when someone refuses to give you said "second chance." The consequences of your actions do not disappear just because you want them too, or because you suddenly wish you had behaved differently.

Again, you want to change your reputation for the better? Excellent. The responsibility is on YOU. It's YOUR actions that could change our minds, but we owe you nothing.

What myths are....

2010-11-29T03:30:00.000Z

Paganism is impregnated with myth, from greek to norse to egyptian. Almost every pagan you meet is at least familiar with one or two. However, I've noticed that a lot do not seem to know what to do with them. What is the point of mythology? Too often I see people taking mythology literally. Someone who believed that "orbs" were the souls of people who did not have the money to pay Charon for passage comes to mind.

One of my favorite quotes:

"Myths are things that never happened but always are."
--Sallustius, 4th cent. A.D.

In that one small quote is the point, the purpose, of myths, in my opinion. Myths are not histories of things that past. They are not meant to be taken literally. Maybe this literalness is a hold over from Christianity, where Christians are taught that the Bible is to be interpreted literally. They try to apply this same logic to the mythologies of pagan religions. Or maybe it is a hold over from older times, when myths were used to scare and control the massed. The problem is, if you try to interpret myths literally, you may miss the point. Myths are not histories. The "always are."

Myths contain universalities. They are timeless. They contain universal truths, in a way. Through commonalities, common threads, they teach us about human existence. In looking for these common threads, whether they be the idea of a "payment" upon exiting this life or the concept of a sun deity, we learn about the human psyche in a timeless way. Because myths were/are created to express divinity to varying degrees they give us insite into the collective human psyche and our own higher self in ways that other "stories" cannot. It's through these commonalities that cultures are connected; that people are connected through this life, through lives past, and lives yet to be.

Oakthorne inadvertantly gave me the idea for this blog. In another post he mentioned the commonality of a "Horned" figure across the UK. He mentioned that each major forest in the UK has some "horned hunter figure." What does this commonality mean? Does it mean that literally there are "Horned Hunters" in every major forest of the UK? Of course not. But does it mean that there is a commonality in the "Horned" symbology that is found across the UK and other areas with such a figure? YES!

Does this mean that all myths in totality are universal? No, not at all. There is much to be learned about individual cultures based on their mythologies. My path pulls strongly on the Irish myths for guidance and direction. BUT there are threads, themes, that are universal, and it is through these that you can really start to understand the human condition, the universal pyche, and our own divinity.

God with a BIG G and Residual Guilt....

2010-11-20T15:30:00.000Z

I decided to write this blog after having a very good conversation today with a person very new to paganism. We started talking about the circumstances that lead us to our paths. Having both come from fundamentalist Christian backgrounds we began to also talk about our lives before paganism. We talked about how we had grown up thinking we just *were Christian.* We didn't even stop, for a long time, to think about the fact that we had a choice. From the time we were born, we had just *been Christian.* It was what was expected of us. We were to grow up in church as "good little Christian girls," in our case, and marry "good Christian boys." We would go to church functions and help with church fundraisers and vote in accordance with church ideologies. We would have nice "Christian families" and raise "good Christian kids," bringing them up in the "House of the Lord." We would make our Christian parents proud. Only *we* wouldn't. Not the two of us. We would realize that we had never actually *decided* to be Christian; we had never made the conscious choice to follow that path. Most importantly, we would finally realize that we *had* a choice. At that moment, we would choose the unknown, the unfamiliar path. We would leave Christianity.

Now, we both agreed that there is nothing *wrong* with Christianity. Our families, who we love dearly and have a great amount of respect for, are all Christians. I want to make it clear that this is not a Christianity vs. paganism post at all. Christianity is a valid path for many, many people. It was just not the right choice for either of us. I could get into all the reasons I came to this conclusion, but I will save that for another blog. Because at this time we started talking about *becoming* pagan. How does one begin to redefine themselves after such decision?

This question lead to a discussion about the emotions involved. Because this other person is very new to paganism, she is still in this initial refocusing phase, which is charged with emotion: worry, fear, excitement, uncertainty, joy, release, wonder, fulfillment, and guilt. The last one, guilt, is the one I really want to talk about here. Guilt. The person I spoke with is dealing with a lot of guilt now connected with her decision to leave Christianity. She asked me, "When does the guilt go away?" After thinking about it a few minutes, I responded, "I don't know." I realized that I still, to some degree, have that "guilt."

Where does the guilt come from? Well I can't speak for everyone, but for me, the guilt is primarily two-fold. It is associated with the feeling that I am a disappointment to my family and due to the knowledge that my choice causes them fear and pain. My paternal grandfather was a baptist preacher and he raised his kids in church. Then, when I, the first grandchild, was born, the practice continued. I was raised in church. I *was* Christian. My parents viewed indoctorinating their children as part of their responsibility. It wasn't something negative, it was something necessary. Proverbs 22:6 states "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Making sure that my brothers and I grew up to be "faithful followers of Christ" was the only way, in their minds, to save us from eternal damnation in the fires of hell. So I understand *why* they raised us this way. I feel guilty that my choice to turn away from Christ would disappoint them, and guilt that I would cause them so much fear. It is a terrible state of being to constantly be afraid that your loved ones might "burn in hell."

Because of this, I am more-or-less still in the "broom closet" with my family and non-pagan friends. Not because I think that they would turn their backs on me. No. Because I know that they would be disappointed, and they would wonder where they "went wrong." And, most importantly, I know that my choice would cause my family stress and worry. Even this decision, to remain in the broom closet, is a source of guilt. I feel guilt about deceiving my family and my friends, and I feel guilt on the occasional Sunday when I walk into the church house with my family for services. Still, I *DO* this out of guilt. I attend church services ever so often to ease *some* of my family's concerns.

I am happy with the decision I made. I am sure of it. I am happier on this path than I could ever have pretended to be in Christianity. Still, almost 10 years after I started to make the move away from Christianity, the guilt is there. I wonder if others feel the same as this new pagan and I? I wonder if the guilt ever *does* go away? And, if not, how does one keep the guilt form interfering with their spiritual practice?

Witches vote with their feet....so do druids

2010-11-15T19:00:00.000Z

I'm going to share a story here that few people know. Only four on site, including myself, know all the details; two because they were involved and one, Shawn, because he kept me sane through the process. I haven't told many this story because it is highly personal. The circumstances were extremely emotional for me but overall it was an invaluable learning experience. I've decided to write about it now for two reasons. First, I hope that some can learn from my experience and avoid a similar situation. Two, I hope that anyone going through a similar situation will see that they are not alone and that they need not become discouraged.

I've been on my path for quite a while now. I've been on some sort of *paganish* path for almost ten years. But, until a short time ago really, I was always solitary. This was two-fold. First, I have major trust issues. I knew that working in a goup would be a very intimate situation. I wasn't sure I could handle that kind of emotional investment. And secondly, it was difficult for me to find a group that practiced in the way I hoped to practice. Most of the groups in my area were some version of neo-wicca, or what would now be known as DRW. This was fine for them, but it wasn't what I was looking for. I didn't want to try and *fit myself into* a group. I wanted a group where I could be myself and practice my way.

So, I had almost given up on finding a group when I met Mr G (as I will call him here) at a community event. Mr. G was starting up a local grove, an actual druidic grove!! I was immediately excited at the idea. With him he had two other ladies, one would serve as High Priestess (Lady T) and the other (Mist) was a new member. They were all wonderful, though Lady T was a bit quiet. I spent about an hour talking with Mist one on one. We had so much in common; the way we viewed deity, our love for science, our heritage, children the same age, the direction we wanted to take our path. For me, we began to build a bond that first day. Then I spent almost two hours talking with Mr. G. Asking him questions about his grove. I should have noticed that each time I asked him a question, he would answer it with a question. i.e. How ecclectic is your group? "Oh are you looking for an eclectic group," he would ask. When I answered no, that I was looking for a traditional group, as traditional as druidry can be, he would say, "Oh I am very traditional. The elders tease me that I am too traditional at times." This went on and on. I would ask, "How influenced is your group by neo-Wicca or outer court Wica?" He would say, "Are you interested in Wica?" And when I said, No, that one of the reasons that I had not joined a group up to this point was because I am not neo-wiccan and am not interested in traditional Wica training, he would say, "Oh we are strongly Celtic centered. Any Wica influence is minimal." I should have seen what was going on, but I didn't. Looking back I think I was too excited about the possibility of a grove. I was also excited about the connection I seemed to have with Mist and Mr. G, already.

Mr. G used Mist to increase my interest. He went on and on about how similar our paths were, and how well we would work together. Then he used another, Alvin, to entice me further. That night, Alvin, somone I had never met, preformed the closing ritual. It was a traditional Celtic lantern ritual, and it was beautiful. It resonnated with me in a way that neo-wiccan rituals never had. I loved it. Mr. G stood beside me throughout the ritual. Once he realize how much I loved it, he began telling me how Alvin had also just joined the grove. I found out later that this was not true. Mr G. was recruiting Alvin in the same way he was recruiting me.

Weeks went by and I kept in contact with Mr. G through e-mail and I went to several lunches with him. We talked about spirituality and we talked about paths. I did not mention joining the grove because I still was not ready for that type of commitment. Over the next few weeks I also got to know Alvin and we became instant friends. Finally after about two months, I contacted Mr. G. about joining the grove.

The following Sunday I went to an interview at Lady T's house, where I repeated all my same questions and got all the same answers. I told them my requirements of a group. I do not check my brain at the door and I do not follow blindly. I was signing up for a druid grove, and druid groves by nature are collaborative. You do not have the same subordination expectation that you often get with traditional training elsewhere. I told them this was what I expected. I told them that if I was required to do something, I expected them to be able to tell me why. I again told them that I was not interesting in anything resembling neo-wicca. They agreed to all my expectations, and then told me theirs. Which I, in turn, agreed to. That night I became a member of the grove. Which quickly added two more members, Firey and BB.

At first everything was great! I got along splendedly with all my fellow grove members, including Lady T and Mr. G. I considered them all friends, a term I don't apply loosely. However, the first sign of trouble came a couple weeks after we began practicing. It became apparent that one grove member, BB, was not in a place in here life where grove training was going to be obtainable. Her home life was a wreck, her financial situation was unstable, and her mental and physical health were both in question. She began to leech off of me. She drained me. I would be literally physically tired from the stress she caused me. She drained me emotionally and financially. Finally, Alvin, who had become one of the best friends I've ever had, stepped in. He helped me with a small symbolic working to seperate myself from her. Mist participated in this also. And this is where Mr. G's paranoia began.

Mr G. began to get suspicious of any contact grove members had that did not include him directly. He said we were whispering around and that how close were where was making others uncomfortable. We never could figure out who "others" were. He went as far as to have a lunch with Lady T and Alvin in which he accused Alvin of trying to steal grove members and start a new group. Something that was completely fabricated in his own head. He made grove get togethers almost unbearable. Staring us down if we spoke to each other in any sort of private manner. The whole while BB was getting progressively more unstable and he refused to do anything about it. Every single member of grove expressed concern with being in circle with her, and his response was basically some version of "I'm the boss."

Then on Lughnasadh, Mr G. had a total meltdown. He asked the groups opinion on the open ritual we were doing for community. When our opinions were given, he blew up. He had a total meltdown. He became beligerent, going as far making statements like "Oh cause women are never bitches!" He blow up yelling and throwing around insults and then completely shutting down. We all set in silence. Stunned. I was the first to speak, " I feel like there is something going on here that I'm not seeing." He denied that he had a problem at all or was in the wrong. The next day I got a call apologizing, he said that it was the anniversary month of his divorce a few years prior and he was upset over that. We began walking on eggshells around him.

A short time after this he went off on Mist on Firey's FB page over an off-handed comment about Sharon Osborne. Mist said she would "like to slap her" over a comment Sharon had made concerning operatic style. Mr. G. wrote up a long, rambling hypothetical situation about Mist trying to slap Sharon involving Mist being shot by a body guard. When more people responded he added another long post publically chastizing Mist for her comment. Again, we began to see him as a time bomb.

All the while, the form of practice was changing. It became progressively more Wiccan centered. Our first reading assignment was "Wicca: A Guide fo the Solitary Practioner" by Cunningham. When I questioned him about this, he said it was a good "witchcraft" primer. Why do I *need* a witchcraft primer? The elements of ritual themselves were becoming more and more Wiccan influenced. We had duality in deity, duality in HP and HPS, calling of quarters, four elements, "invoking" of deity, casting a cirlce, Great Rite blessing of the wine, ect...When I questioned him about this he dodged the question with a pseudo-history of Druidry and Wicca, claiming shared origins in the Freemasons. The last ritual I attended with the grove we cast circle and called quarters. We also called deity for each quarter and "invoked" god and goddes, only to read the "Charge of the Goddess" and the "Charge of the God" and do the worst guided meditation I've ever participated in. This night Firey left so upset that we all, with the exception of Lady T and Mr G, ended up at Mists house talking about what to do.

We all felt so confused, myself especially. I still felt that there was a different Mr. G in there. Between the moments of paranoia, I would see him again. The one I had met and befriended. I know now that Mr. G was only what he needed to be to convince us to join his group. The friend I thought I had never existed.

A short while later, while at dinner with a large group of people Mr. G opennly spoke about needing to "get rid of Alvin." He had this conversation with members of the party who were not even affiliated with the grove and had no business knowing grove issues. He had this conversation at a volume loud enough for Firey to hear it down the table. When she confronted him about it, he agreed that he should have had the conversation in a different setting. The next day he posted "I am tired of passive agressive f***kers who remove me from their facebook" on his FB status in reference to Alvin who had left the grove the previous night. This was enough for me. I had been pushed as far as I could go. I wrote him a long e-mail explaining all the reasons why I could no longer be part of the grove. I never heard back from him. Firey and Mist left within days.

So i spent a few weeks burnt. I was betrayed. I finally realized that I had been played by someone who *needed* the title of HP, and someone who needed grove members to validate his own self worth. We meant nothing to him outside a boost to his ego. I spent weeks wondering why I let it go on so long, why I let him take advantage of me. I think we all hoped that we were wrong. We were all in love with the idea that we were sold, the druid grove. We kept holding out hope that the dream could still be realized. We didn't want to loose the friendships we had made, either. None of us were sure what would happen to use after leaving the group. After a few weeks, I realized what a fool I had been, and then I realized that I wasn't a fool at all. I had been wrong, yes. But I had learned from the experience and grown. And I now have some of the best friends I've ever had; Alvin and his partner, Firey and her husband, Mist and hers. And the situation brought me and Shawn even closer together, the way he supported me and was always there or me. Now, at this time in my life, I am happier on my path than I have ever been.

Above are just highlights of what we, as a group, went through, and how we compromised our paths for what we *hoped* we could have. My advice. Never compromise. Never let your desire for something blind you to the facts of your reality. We wanted the "idea" so much, we ignored the reality that the idea was not possible in that setting. Never let anyone take advantage of you because they have a title. Mr. G. wore that title like a badge and I think at times we felt we owed him something for it. But he never earned the respect he believed to be inherent with it. Always, always do what you must to be happy. Doing something for someone elses happiness when it negatively affect your own is always a temporary thing. You cannot make others happy if you are not happy yourself. And finally.... always remember that you always have the ability to vote with your feet....

Paganism is about being open-minded....

2010-11-15T16:00:00.000Z

Right? In my opinion, no. Well not to the extent that most seem to want to take that. Paganism does not come with the requirement that you throw your brain out the window, and I'm not sure where people get the idea that it does.

First, to claim that paganism as a whole is about tolerance and acceptance is a HUGE assumption, as paganism applies to an innumerable variety of paths. Paganism is an umbrella term most commonly described as any path that is non-Abrahamic, i.e. not Christian, Islam, or Judaism. Therefore, to assume that ALL pagan paths are about any one thing is a claim which is virtually impossible to make.

Secondly, a spiritual path should include discernment, judgement, and and a healthy dose of skepticism. If not, your path will become shallow and watered-down, and will be personally unfulfilling. How can a path be personally meaningful if it accepts every idea coming and going? If you do not use discernment on your spiritual path how can you identify the "good" choices from the "bad" ?? If you do not use judgement, how can you then make the choice that is right for you? If you are not a bit skeptical how will you stay on *your* path without being lead astray by misinformaiton and misconception? How will you keep from leading others astray in the future with the misinformation you have accumulated?

This brings me to another point..... some people *have* to be wrong. They just have to be. As much as you might not like it, not everyone can be right. Not all matters are subjective. It is an impossibility that every person you encounter will be right, many will be wrong. And that is OK. It's ok that they are wrong, and it's ok for you to call them on it. A good deal of the time being wrong is how we learn. Calling someone on how and/or why they are wrong might help them to grow. They will either realize their error and correct it, growing in their path OR they will continue in their willful ignorance and there is nothing you can do. The ones that choose the first will be surprisingly grateful for your help.

In addition, it is ok for YOU to be wrong and it is ok for people to call you on it. When someone tells you that an idea or concept you have is wrong, they are not invalidating your personal path. Your path is your path, it cannot be invalidated unless YOU let someone do that for you. Even telling you the title you have assumed is incorrect does not invalidate the path, only the title. If you discover that your claim to the title is wrong, move on. Continue down your path with a different one, or none at all. When someone tells you that you have misinformation or misconceptions, these people are helping you to prune the bad branches from your tree. They are helping you to make your path more fulfilling and meaningful. Discovering "truths" is part of growing on your path. And sometimes that requires that you are wrong. If you are never wrong how do you grow?? Being wrong, admitting that, learning from it, and moving forward is part of the spiritual process.

Now am I saying that you should be closed to all new ideas or to any that differ from your own? Of course not. being *too* skeptical or judgemental will leave you no room for growth. In my path, discernment and skepticism are vital, but it is also vital that I remember that something can be learned from every person and every experience, even if it is what NOT to do. The point I am making is that being overly open-minded is not what paganism or a spiritual path is about. Balance is the key. It is important to keep both your heart AND your brain engaged. Without this type of balance, your path itself will be unbalanced.

"Black" and "White" Magic

2010-11-06T22:37:11.000Z

So...... I have seen a lot of comments and questions in discussion, chat, and blogs on several sites pertaining to "black" and "white" magic. I have seen newbies ask whether they should avoid books because they contain "black magic" and seen members refer to themselves and "white witches."

Black magic does not exist, neither does white. Nor does green, or blue, or any other color you can imagine. Magic is magic. It's really that simple. I understand that some people utilize these terms to seperate what they consider harmful magic from benign magic. However, I do not believe the two can be seperated. All magic has the potentiality for harm.

Now, I know that some will say, "But it's your intent that really matters." However, any spell or magic can cause unintentional harm. Say you cast a spell to help a friend escape an abusive relationship, and then the abuser is killed in a car wreck, was your spell white or black?? Or maybe somewhere in between??

In addition, "harm" or "bad" are subjective. Completely subjective. What one person considers "bad" may be a wonderful thing for another person. So, who decides which consequences are "good" and which are "bad" and thus what magic is "black" and what magic is "white" ??? Without drawing clear lines with dogma, this task is impossible.

Some of you will say, "But there are books on Black and White Magic!" And I hope these people will realize that the title of a book is a marketing tool. "Black Magic" books are written and marketed inorder to appeal to a particular audience, as are "White Magic" books. In addition, in my opinion, you should never avoid a book or a topic because it makes you uneasy or frightens you. The only way to fight fear is with knowledge.

There is no "black magic." There is no "white magic." I wonder how everyone else feels??