Hello and welcome to my profile.
My name is Rayne.
I am 19 years old and the very first thing I want to say is that I am taken by a man who likes to go by Fawn. Yes, it’s a long-distance relationship and no, that does not mean you can break us apart. We love each other greatly. He is my soulmate. You cannot come between us no matter how hard you try. And believe me, many have tried. All have failed. We are and will forever be stronger together.
Fawn and I are into BDSM. I am his Slave and he is my Master. We are in a polyamorous relationship with a few already selected people. We are not looking to add anyone else. I will never have more than one Master and he will never have more than one slave. This was taught to me by someone I hold a great respect for and it will never change. Don’t think it can or will. I usually refer to Fawn as my mate or my Master.
Now for the nice part of my profile. :D
As I said, I go by Rayne. It’s not my real name, but a nickname I picked up and convinced my friends to use it instead of my real name. Haha. They all seem to agree it fits me better than the name my stupid father gave me.
I’m a very playful and childish teenager. I can’t help it. It’s a large part of who I am. It’s an incredible stress reliever and I become rather unhinged when I CAN’T be childish. I like to growl and pounce around like a puppy and flail and throw pinecones. It’s who I am because I am comfortable with it. I can act quite adult as well when the situation calls for it. Just because I ACT immature for my age doesn’t mean that I AM. I’ve always known that I was a bit more mature than half the people my age. People in my family tend to think I’m still a child because of how I act sometimes. That’s alright but they’re quite taken aback when I tell them something that they realize they should know themselves. This, by the way, happens so much that I get to laugh my ass off quite often because of the looks they give me.
People don’t realize that sometimes, you should just… let yourself BE a playful little puppy or child or whatever. It’s fun. It makes ME happy… I go through life knowing I can be a big ball of playful fun or I can be a mature adult or I can be a mixture of both. I love finding the fun in life. I love being HAPPY and being how I am. It’s odd because I go through a lot of depression yet I still somehow find so much joy in life by just being a big goof. (I can actually laugh like Goofy if I’m having the giggles. :D)
As stated, I do deal with some depression. I would never think of myself as depressed before because I didn’t want to admit to maybe needing to get some help. No, I’m not taking any meds and I don’t intend to if the coping mechanisms I’m taught help. I can also be a bit moody as well. I can be having a completely awesome day and then one tiny thing like someone looking at me for too long sets me off completely. I control myself as best I can though. I have some anger issues but they are dying down as I meditate more and more. I get small anxiety attacks when in large crowds of people or when I’m walking through the hallways at school or when someone is TOTALLY invading the two foot BUBBLE everyone deserves to have around them unless no one really has any other choice. =.= (YES, I’m talking to YOU creepy chick in my Driver’s Ed class.)
Do I usually talk about these kind of issues with people? No. I don’t want to. I hate even admitting that I have weaknesses. I’m a very proud girl and I pride myself on my strength and being able to HANDLE things. But to be honest? Sometimes I can’t… sometimes I can’t handle things so I have to pull myself out of situations that are driving me insane because of the fact that I can’t handle them. Whether in real life or online, everyone has the right and ability to pull themselves out of situations they no longer wish to be in. I’ve been trapped in every other aspect of my life and goddamnit, I will not be trapped by anything or anyone any longer. I am free and it is my will to be so. I will not let my stray thoughts and worries control me. I will not let fear control me. I will not be a prisoner in my mind, in my home, or anywhere else.
*sighs* Seeing as I can't seem to control my own anger, I'm going to take the time to point out that I am a very hot-headed and stubborn girl. When I get pissed, sometimes it's to the point I'm shaking so bad I can barely do anything because I don't have the control over my hands to do it. I just barely am able to control myself and even when I can't, it's not very well. I can't breathe or think and my face gets so hot to the point I'm sure if I cried, it just turn into steam.
After finally calming down, I get immense headaches and end up crying myself to sleep from frustration and sadness... Seeing as it recently happened with potential harm to someone I hold in high respects, I feel the need to warn everyone that should I START getting pissy, it might just be best to block me for your own good and for mine.
I'm not at all proud of this but I need to be as honest with myself and everyone else as possible. If you are still willing to speak to me after learning this, thank you but please don't feel it necessary to try and help. I am beyond help when angry, and beyond guilt when I calm down. I am still trying to control this through meditation and such, but it may take a while.
I am a very spiritual person and have many odd beliefs. I am not ashamed for any of them. I respect all people for their beliefs (Unless it is a belief that is clearly wrong like something freaky like “child molestation is okay”. Yeah, if you believe something like that, I won’t respect you. As a matter of fact, I might report you to the authorities. So… yeah…)
Okay, so maybe the outline wasn’t that small… but yeah… There’s a few of them. I have two spirit guides that I am consciously aware of. Their names are Tobias and James. After fighting long and hard against the fear that I was crazy and sending Tobias (the first one to come to me) away many times, I finally accepted them both. I love them very much and I know they protect and guide me as much as they are allowed.
I don’t have a title or anything for what I am. I used to consider myself pagan, but I’m at that time in life where I am reevaluating everything again so I’m throwing that term out the window for now. If you need a title then call me a “Raynist”. This was an idea given to me by a person who I secretly have one of those stupid crushes on (Like the kinda crush where you don't and couldn't think to actually pursue but it's just... like... you admire them as a person. I get those sometimes cause I'mma big dork. :P) and I’ve loved it ever since. The definition of a Raynist is this: A Raynist is a girl who is very young but wise for her age and believes anything as long as it coincides with how she feels in her heart. Or, a girl who follows her heart and intuition. Hehe. I also have very strong intuition. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a woman or what. :D If you have any questions about my beliefs or experiences, feel free to ask. Just know I’m no expert on anything so I may have trouble articulating the reasons behind certain beliefs.
I adore music. (Though I hate most country music. Ick.) I will listen to anything that gets my attention. Whether it’s soft and slow music or hard rocking music, I’ll listen to it. I am a fan of Celtic music. It’s beautiful, free, and flowing. I also love rock. Shinedown is one of my favorite bands. I also love Nightwish. As odd as it may be, I LIKE opera metal. :D I can play a little bit of piano as well. I’m taking yet another piano class in school right now. (My third year.) My teacher seems to think I’m the Goddess of all beginning pianists. (But she’s also kinda crazy so you can’t really go by her.) Either that or she’s just being really sweet even though she knows I need tons of work and I still can’t sight-read quite yet. I can almost play by ear but only if I’m given enough time to practice. I love playing though. I love the feeling of getting a song JUST right for the first time and it sounds perfect to your ears. *sighs longingly* I will buy myself a piano one day. (Not a grand piano… I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for one of THOSE… but maybe an electric piano… that way I can at least move it when I want and get it in my door. Haha.)
I like to draw and stuff like that. I have my good drawings and my bad drawings… most are bad but every now and then I produce…… >.> A MASTERPIECE! MUAHAHAHA! Not really, but every now and then I draw something that doesn’t look half bad. It’s fun and I enjoy my art class because it’s all we do is some form of drawing. Save for the sketchbooks we made with book binding. I really like using chalk pastels. The dust from them gets all over your clothes and then you look like a walking rainbow. :D
I also love animals. I adore all animals and am strongly against any form of animal cruelty. (This means YOU Sarah freaking Palin!) My favorite animal is the wolf though. I love wolves. I have them all over my walls, my shelves, my bed. (Yeah, the comment about Sarah Palin was mostly in reference for wolves.) I believe wolves to be a part of my spiritual family and part of my soul. Both of my spirit guides shift into black wolves.
I have a kitten and his name is Knight. He’s the cutest little thing in the world and I love him to pieces. Don’t ever try to steal his fish, cause he’ll bite you. And growl. Yes, I said growl.
I’m not that much outwardly a girly girl but even I like shoes and dresses and such. (Not make-up though.) I like cars though, too. (Lord, please grant me a ’65 convertible mustang. Preferably red. Thanku. ;P)
Well, I think that’s it for now. If you have any questions, just ask. I try to stay as open as possible but I think that’s becoming a step-by-step process when I’m talking to anyone other than my mate.
Rayne has not received any gifts yet