[Basic Needs] Strata Girl's Needs!

Apparently, according to my wonderful and most often right husband, I *need* to write this post. Apparently ignore my needs is a problem for me. :P

So here it goes. I've been thinking of the three things that I *need* the most. These are difficult because they are all connected and all a bit complicated, but I guess that's life. So here it goes in no particular order.

1. Financial Needs: I am a waitress at a restaurant where on good nights I bring home $40-50 dollars, and I work only two to three days a week. Needless to say that does not pay for much. I get child support and right now state assistance, which I hate!!! I hate it! But right now, I have no choice. Of course Shawn helps as much as he can, which is usually as much as I will let him. I would get a different job, but I haven't been able to find one in this county (we have that highest unemployment rate in the state at about 23%) that will work around my school schedule. I have ONE year left in school! One year. I need to graduate so that I can be more financially stable for my family. Right now, like Oak, the bills are getting paid, but that's about it. I have nothing left over for emergencies, and I often feel like a failure as a parent because I don't have the money to by zoo passes and such any more. I would just like to have enough to feel secure, knowing I can take care of my son.

2. Trust/Sexual/Esteem Issues: I've put these into one category because they are all connected. They all stem from the same place and they are all things I have never been able to conquer, regardless of how hard I try. Without too much detail, I was hurt in a very profound way when I was eight years old. The same year my mother was diagnosed with Lupus (Sometimes it is Lupus) and several mental disorders (borderline personality, anxiety, and dissassociative personality). I pretty much started raising my younger brother at this point. And spent most of my time trying to protect him from my mother and whatever crazy or addiction or boyfriend was haunting us at the time.

My mother also fed me horrible lies about my father, who is an exceptional man but not perfect. She tried to poison me and my brother against him because she was afraid we would leave her. It worked for a time. And then I probably would have left her and taken my brother with me, but I didn't know if she could survive.... so I stayed..

I never expected much out of guys....I gave up on them when I was eight years old...so by some kind of sick self-fulfilling prophecy I dated the worst kind of men... I expected to be abused and cheated on... so I didn't look for anything better... I couldn't trust.. so what was the point... And what decent guy would want to be with someone who has my sexual issues... the moment I feel the sightest bit uncommfortable.. even if my feelings are slightly hurt... or I feel the least bit out of control..at all.. I go into complete shut down. I am incapable of intimacy...for an undetermined amount of time...possibly always...

Shawn has helped me to heal so much.. but I still have major trust issues... that mainly stem from me not believing that I deserve to be treated well. ... part of me expects to be treated bad... walked on.. abused.. cheated on... because i'm worthless... deep inside I know this isn't true... but it's still there.. and it affects me in a crippling way sometimes... and has a huge effect on my current relationship. I want this to stop. I am tired of living everyday of my life wondering who is going to hurt me next... and thinking I deserve it. I want to let go of all this. The anger, the fear, the resentment... I want to have back the control that was taken away from me at eight years old.

3. Stable Family Situation: I need a more stable family situation. For myself, but mainly for my son. This involves the financial troubles, but it's more than that. We need Shawn here. The immigration process is ridiculous, and scares me more than I let on. I hate not knowing *when* and I hate the waiting. Eli needs a good male role model, and I need Shawn *here* by my side, actively patricipating in our family. I know he is always supporting me, but it's not the same. And I know this may seem more like a want because I do want it *badly* but I also need it, for both my mental and emotional health. I, also, need to get my son out of this county and get a little distance between him and my ex, so that his life is not so chaotic, but this can't take place until Shawn is here. So mainly, Shawn here and quick.

And there you go.... probably the most *sharing* you'll get from me for the next decade or so...

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on June 23, 2011 at 7:13

Thanks, hun. I know opening up in that way runs counter to your nature, but I appreciate your doing so. Only when we sit and acknowledge what we need can we accept those needs being fulfilled. Let me do a reading, and see where my help would be the most useful, and I'll get back to you.

Much Love,

Joe

Permalink Reply by Alorer Stefanos (The Gecko) on June 23, 2011 at 9:08

First of all: *tight hugs for his troubled sister*

Now let's cut to the chase. I feel I can try and help best with No. 3 and possibly No. 2. I know you make kick-ass prosperity workings that are a lot like mine so I'll leave No. 1 for someone with a methodology unlike ours for oomph. ;)

I'll do a reading as well and see what I can actually *do*. I'll post things soon. :)

Love ya tons!

Permalink Reply by Dsuyentor on June 23, 2011 at 10:38

*hug* Waiting is the worst part. My hubby is from Portugal so we had to go through the immigration thing. let me know if there are any questions you have about the process. He needs to complete his citizenshp test soon (it's been 2 years already! hooray!). As for the financial needs, I understand too. Im a piano teacher so my budget is very erratic. All you can do is hope and pray the Universe will make sure you have everything you need, even if it's not everything you *Want* . Know that when you finish school you'll find the perfect job and everything will fall into place.

Permalink Reply by Beorc Kano on June 23, 2011 at 14:25

Well... for what it's worth, I've put this together for you.

It is a combination of three runes that puts four runic presences into play here. The foundation of the sigil is two runes, Perthro, the Rune of Luck, and Fehu, the Rune of Wealth. By combining them like I did, I formed Ehwaz, the Rune of Partnership out of them. Around that formed sigil, I added the 'wings' of Jera, the Rune of Cycles.

The bindrune that resulted will have several effects if used. First; it will promote progression in your relationship (i.e. aid in getting Shawn's Canadian maple-leaf arse to the States) with Ehwaz, it will aid your financial situation with Fehu, and it will grant temperance and patience with Jera. Now, Perthro is a central figure, and is the true base of this binding, imparting its luck to all matters it is involved in, blessing the relationship, the financial situation, and the coming year.

There are many ways to implement this rune... I prefer to use a sheet of unbleached natural cotton muslin, and paint the rune onto it. I personally use my blood mixed with an offering of fine alcohol (a certain bottle of scotch, in my case) for the paint, but there are many things you could use. Once complete, wrap it about a piece of oak, and burn it with any other bit of ceremony you find applicable.

Good luck, Strata. :)

Permalink Reply by Strata on June 23, 2011 at 14:29

Thank you, Beorc! I really appreciate that!!

Thank you to everyone else, as well! <3 you all!!

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on June 24, 2011 at 23:41

Ack. Braindead. Too many readings in a row. :) I promise to come back to the cards tomorrow!

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on June 25, 2011 at 12:15

Okay! Back to the cards. :) Threw the cards, and these are the results:

Past: Six of Cups, Inverse. Okay. Looks like your past has been marked by disappointment, and a refusal to grow up (that is, you were disappointed by someone who refused). I'm sure this is where a lot of the distrust comes into play.

Present: Knight of Swords, Inverse. The Knight of Swords refers to being in a state of transition. But where this is normally done with bravery and insight, this state of transition is accompanied by a feeling of things being just slightly at the edge of control, like a runaway horse that is surging forward and only barely being reined in. Like it could break free at any moment. There is also a sense of criticism coming from some direction here.

Future: Four of Wands, Inverse. This is the card, in this position, of excess celebration, of doing so blindly in order to avoid seeing what the difficulties are, and of stagnation. This is the fiddling of Nero while Rome burns.

Hoo-kay. So, I'm going to say this: this has the potential to become very personal, very fast. I'll continue along these lines if you'd like, or I'm willing to take this to a more private forum, hun. Whichever you choose. This is intended to be a fun little exercise, but we're getting in Deep here, and I want to treat this with the seriousness and respect that it is due. Make sense?

Just let me know which way you'd like to proceed.

Permalink Reply by Strata on June 25, 2011 at 20:50

Oak, I've been thinking about this all day, and I think I would like to keep it private from now on.

No offense met to anyone in the group. I am crazy about each of you, but I'm afraid that I will not be able to concentrate on what I need to do, if I am worried about that thoughts of others (even though I know they will only be good thoughts). The above took a lot for me to post. As Oak said, sharing is not in my nature. That's another side effect of the above and maybe one day I will get better at it, but right now I'm just not there yet. I hope everyone understands!

Love and blessings,

Strata

Permalink Reply by Elise on June 25, 2011 at 21:54

No offense taken :) By all means, do what's necessary to heal yourself! *love ya*

Strata said:

Oak, I've been thinking about this all day, and I think I would like to keep it private from now on.

No offense met to anyone in the group. I am crazy about each of you, but I'm afraid that I will not be able to concentrate on what I need to do, if I am worried about that thoughts of others (even though I know they will only be good thoughts). The above took a lot for me to post. As Oak said, sharing is not in my nature. That's another side effect of the above and maybe one day I will get better at it, but right now I'm just not there yet. I hope everyone understands!

Love and blessings,

Strata

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on June 26, 2011 at 10:57

Entirely understandable, Strata.

This process isn't about showcasing your inner workings. There'll be plenty of time to do that in retrospect. ;) Subjecting you to public scrutiny when working through your issues with others' opinions of you is like treating my diabetes by feeding me high fructose corn syrup. :D Counter-productive.

Email me. Let's talk.

Permalink Reply by Guinevere on June 28, 2011 at 1:12

*hugs*

Really wish I could help you more than that. If it takes too long for Shawn to become an american, you know we could adopt you north of the border :D I'm sure you'd make a great Canuck, eh...

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on July 1, 2011 at 4:26

Hey, you. For the "Getting Shawn Here" thing, I just posted something over in his thread for a Work for both of you to do towards that end.