Hi guys, I have been thinking about this since Oak first posted the idea....Thanks buddy!!! lol
I, even though I'm loud and obnoxious and make a joke out of most things, am a secretive and quite closed person, so this type of thing does go against the grain somewhat. But as I have read all yours, it would be wrong of me not to show you my laundry ;-)
I have not posted replies to any as you guys have come up with the kind of answers I'd have given before me, and I'd only be repeating ideas.
I am very self relyant and like to deal with my issues my self and my issues are real small when I read and listen to other peoples issues (not just on here, by the way)
1- Self image- I don't like me, never have. I sometimes have good days but since I was a kid I was over weight, I was the tallest kid in my class, and the biggest for quite a few years. When I was about 19 years old I lost all my weight, I did it by not eating (simple), this was bad. Everyone thought I was ill, and I was weak and tired. But I drew energy from those around me and partied like crazy. BUT, as the weight went, it came back, it seems that when I'm happy, and comfortable I cook and eat (who doesn't) and about now, I'm happy.
The weight goes on then off, on and off, but I never see my self as thin, never did even when I had a 30" waist and my ribs could be seen *sigh* a long time ago.
Now, I'm in a long term relationship, I'm happy, I am getting old *shudder* and I travel loads (lots of hotels without gyms) and lots of hotel food.
Oak posted the "diet bottle" which I will be having a go at when my "4 thief vinegar" is ready. But I need the drive to force my self to be careful what I eat and to make me go to the gym.
2- Procrastination- Ironic that I didn't leave this one until last! I put things off, and put them off. This taurus is stuborn! ok, I know a few others on here have the same issue and I'll follow some of the advice given there for this one. But this issue is part of the issue above too.
3- Family Relationship - I love my guy, he is the best thng to have happend to me. I was quite happy being a single gay guy (during a "thin me" cycle,lol). I was, well putting it in a nice way, busy! Well, i met him and WOW! I knew the 1st time we *ahem* spoke that I loved him.
Well, back then I was so deep in the closset I was eating turkish delight with a woman on a sleigh! None of my friends or family knew I was gay. My guy and I spent all our free time together and no one knew. Eventually I did tell my friends (of course they all said they knew,lol) and then the big one, I told my family!
Now my brothers and their wives and kids were fine, and they realy like him too. But i had to tell my folks.
I love my Mother and Father so much, I'm the baby of 3 brothers and my folks are so proud of my home and job etc. But they were devastated. My father cried for days and my mother was so quiet. I was in agony over the pain and "shame" I brought to them.
This was about a year ago, my Father never speaks of it and my Mother may say "are you at your house tonight or in Gloucester". As a family we come from a small island off the coast of Wales and old Welsh ways do not include Gay people. I don't blame my folks for the way they were brought up. But they have never met my guy, they know I spend christmas with him and his family (who are all cool) and I can tell they are sad when I tell them things like that. I just want to ease the "pain and shame" they feel, I dont give a Fuck about anyone else knowing at home (I dont often go there anymore) but it would be nice if my Mother and Father could visit me in my house now and with a family wedding coming up soon, the Invite to me "+guest" may be interesting, as the bride (my niece) loves me and my guy.
So, thats my whine and moan.
Diolch a Bendithion.
Thanks for sharing, darlin'. :) We all appreciate it, you stoat-herder, you. :)
I'll see what the cards have to say tonight.
Okay, darlin'. Cards out, and read. Let's talk.
Past: Eight of Swords, Inverse. The Eight of Swords, inverted, is the card of spiritual challenge. It represents release, on some level. In your past, you've not only dealt with issues that would have limited you, but have come out ahead on them, even if it hurt in the moment. You tell above about your past with both remaking yourself as well as being estranged from your family. In both instances, they were hard, rather hurtful things to do, but in doing them, you have to realize that you were successful. You conquered those situations, darlin', and were freed from the limitations (in one instance, excess weight, and in the other, the disapproval of family). I want you to remember this fact going forward: you have won, in both cases, even if victory didn't always look like what you wanted it to.
Present: Wheel of Fortune. Ha. Not just a card of good fortune, but of just desserts and karmic reward. It's also, not accidentally, a card that denotes travel. ;) Understand what your life is right now: it is the reward for the hard work and misery that you have endured in your past. Certainly it's not perfect, but the good in your life is not incidental. It is a direct result of the victory in your past. This is important to remember.
Future: Three of Cups. The card of Celebration, this is an awesome card in your Future spot. Friendships abound, and there is plenty to celebrate.
So, here's what I want you to do. Get yourself a nice, fat High John the Conquerer root. I want you to sit down, anoint a candle in High John or holy oil (olive oil is fine) and I want you to baptize that Root in your own name.
From that point on, you carry that root with you. High John is about conquering, and that's just what he's going to do. Get yourself a container of some kind to carry him in - a bax, a small box, something that will allow you to open it back up and get access to that root.
I want you to anoint him weekly, with an oil appropriate to what your biggest challenge in life is at that moment. If it's to do with your skills, or job, anoint him with Crown of Success. If it's magical in nature, anoint him with High John oil. If it's religious in nature, anoint with Holy or olive oil. If it's relationships, money or what-have-you, anoint with those oils.
(As an aside, you can probably find recipes for those various oils. Alternately, I know there's a Lucky Mojo distributor in Sweden - I don't know what ordering from other European countries is like, but I figure it's got to be better than ordering from the U.S. http://www.luckymojo.com/mojocatretailers.html#sw )
Thank you so much for this Oak, I have my High John already, he is the biggest and boldest of the set I got a few months ago.
I have been meditating on this issue to see if I can find him a name, I know who he is now ;-)
I will be Baptizing him when I'm back home next.
It will be interesting taking him through airport security! lol.
Thanks again for your advice Brother.
Bendithion a cariad
*prods Oak with a small shrew* (softer than a stoat)
I am so sorry for the late reply, well, thats the procrastination issue still alive! (Kidding)
Things have been real hectic with work this last couple of months, I had to go to China twice in 3 weeks, the second visit was for just one day!
Well, I still have to make the "diet bottle", My 4thief is done, i just have to make the bottle, but as I'm off work all next week (a week off with my guy, bliss) I'll make it then!
My high John IS doing his work though, he travels with me everywhere, I sometimes have to annoint him a couple of days late, but if I do I make sure he gets something extra. I had a scare, when traveling through Amterdam airport though. The body scanner picked him up!!! The guard asked to see him, and asked me what it was, so I told him. "Its a root from the US, used as a luck charm", of course it does look suspect, the guard did a swab test for narcotics/explosives......I may have done a bit of wee while waiting for the result!! He came back and thanked me for my help, he put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye and repeated his thanks!
But he is certainly doing work on a background level.
I think that my issues with my family will work their way through. Time is all thats needed there.
But I need to make more oils to feed my High John, I have been using High John oil, and my oil that I made in the middle of the night after a dream, and WOW, thats working!!
Thanks for all your help my brother.
Bendithion a diolch