[Basic needs] Flammeous Needs

Well, I hope I'm not late on this. I figure I let everyone go ahead, while I sort out my 'needs' and whether or not I even want to share them. I am definetly out of my comfort zone on this.....preferably would rather not have others know these things about me.

Health (Need to go to doctor, but really NEED to lose the fear of going)

I have a enormous fear of going to the doctor, hospital and dentist. That even in excruciating pain, I just won't go. In the past it has literally taken an 'intervention' from my husband and/or friends to forcibly drag my butt in the car and take me, all the while I'm shaking, hyperventilating and crying hystercially about going. A true and irrational phobia, one in which I'm very embrassed about because it transcends all logic and it makes me feel that others view me as having no sense in applying this simple solution in regards to my personal well being. Such is the case as of right now in my life, in having terrible shoulder and neck pain and headaches. Carpel tunnel that is really acting up, so bad that I now feel it in my arms. I don't even want to talk about it because I know what everyone is going to say: Go to the doctor. I know what the solution IS but the problem here is that I'm terrified about it that I can't and most likely won't excute on my own.

I need to find a good caring, understanding and gentle doctor, looking after my best interest, one that makes me feel comfortable...talks me through everything...and not make me feel like a noob...and listens ......then I think I would go if and when these things come up. Right now I have no doctor per-say, I've been meaning to change my doctor, but seems like I have bad luck or something when it comes to finding a good doctor & staff, hence why I have developed a phobia. I had too many bad experiences with idiot doctors and nurses. The good doc's I have ran across have all been 'flukes' so to speak.....meaning I didn't pick them...something happened that placed me in their care.

Lack of Motivation/Energy/Focus

I realize I just don't do the things like I use to do. I'm not even motivated to do housework or even cook, nor do I have the energy and feel completely exhausted when I do. Much less tackle the countless *fun* projects that I would like to get started on and complete (I do have a many 'uncompleted' projects hence 'focus'). Honestly I am amazed that I am capable of doing manuel labor on my job for 9-10hrs a day, but at home I can't accomplish anything. It's a vicious cycle, one in which I beat myself up a lot about, what I didn't get done today, that I put off tomorrow, in which I plainly end up not doing anyway and I get very frustrated with myself about it. At one time it wasn't like this, I was supermom and superwoman.

I think my lack of motivation/energy/focus may possibly tie in with the first.

Career Change

Yes, I don't like my place of employment. Never did. It was something that paid the bills with two wee babies crawling around and now I feel like I'm stuck. This may be viewed as a 'want' but trust me this is truly a 'need' as I now realize that my job has a lot to do with my health and happiness I have already injuried my back at work, in which that took a few years to heal itself properly, not to mention the personal heyl with all this red tape and hard time about it. Now, it's carpel tunnel and the daily stress about making my quota, that when I start pushing myself harder to make my numbers I can feel my neck and shoulders cramp and lock up. I'm sure if I continue with this line of work, it will be one thing after another. I haven't really looked for anything else (ties with the lack of motivation) because I'm not sure where I want to go from here and I really would like to have my own business doing one of the many things that I do, (or the ideas that I toss around in my head) however I haven't pinned down exactly what that would be. I'm leaning more towards something in photography and or digital imagery, but don't know what direction to go in and have made no real goals or attempts towards either idea (lack of motivation and maybe confidence). But I am certain on one thing though; to never again work in a warehouse. That's for sure.

Of course I can't go anywhere just yet, as I do have health insurance through my place of employment.

Overall, I think my three needs tie in with one another and the first one may play a huge part of the solution for the rest of my needs.

Blessings.......

(closing eyes and clicking the add discussion button)

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on June 30, 2011 at 12:15

Thanks for trusting us, darlin'. I'll set up a reading on this when I get home tonight.

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on July 9, 2011 at 1:44

Hey there, hun. Sorry I haven't gotten to this before now. I've got a reading done up below; do me a favor, and give it a read through, see if there's anything that rings true in it, and touch base with me about it. We'll go forward from there.

Past: Seven of Pentacles. This is the card of patience and cultivation, of slow steady work and good-faith efforts. You've been working on some of this stuff, to an extent, for which I applaud you.

Present: Seven of Swords, Inverse. This is the card of honesty, associated with a big reveal or getting caught. There is a sense of repentance here, and penance. What has happened recently that ties in to these concepts? Did someone "bust" you at something you weren't being entirely honest about, and now you feel like you have to make amends in some way? This is central to the issue at hand, so please think hard.

Future: Ten of Pentacles. This is a wonderful card for the future. Not to blow smoke up your ass (as we say), but this is a "the future is shiny like gold" sort of card, with success and prosperity on the horizon.

Alright. I admit, this reading is a little unclearer, probably because it doesn't seem overtly to tie into what your listed needs are. So, you tell me how all this fits in with your life and your problems, and we'll move forward with a "diagnosis" and "prescription." ;)

Permalink Reply by Flammeous {De Empress} on July 21, 2011 at 12:09

Well I'm not asking for forgiveness for putting this off, as that which I have done here. As to why I have, is simply a matter of not knowing how to respond to my reading. For that I'm sorry, for being speechless on how to reply to being caught red handed on some things publicly, mind you, that I wouldn't even speak to just anyone privately about.

Aside from Oak's Tarot busting me, I have not being busted for anything...yet..and I would like to keep it that way as much as possible (I know selfish me right?). But I can think of two things right off the top of my head, that I wouldn't want to be busted for. So being caught or busted is something that eats up a lot of my thoughts, seeing that I do of course put in all this effort in order to slip under the radar all the time.

How this ties in I really don't know. I've been thinking about that when I first read this myself.

It could be that I was looking at my needs, as listed above, in helping resolve some other things on my plate (the ones I could get *busted* for) and it came out in the reading..???? As to needing to be in good health, focused and money.

Or it maybe I am looking at this entirely wrong and that these so called secrets are contributing to need 1, 2 and 3 above? I feel I'm really stretching it here but some points I could see where this could be the case.

OR...maybe it's a little of both???

For me the Seven of Swords is like a big arrow pointing to where the focus should be.

I do thank you Oak for your time but darn it! I didn't want to talk about this of all things, especially in this very public format.

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on July 21, 2011 at 13:35

Thank you for your honesty, Flammeous. There is no need to go into these things publicly. It does, however, present you with two options.

You can take the information the reading has given you, and run with it yourself. Nothing wrong with that - lots of people seek out readings just for a shift in perspective in exactly that way, to figure out where to go from there. If this has done that for you, then by all means, take it and run. :D

On the other hand, if you'd prefer I continued forward with the work, there is no reason to go into it publicly here. You can mail me back-channel (oakthorne@gmail.com) and I'd be happy to continue with the root-doctoring in a more private means of communication. Your needs are foremost here - it's nice to be able to show folks what the process looks like, but shame and embarrassment do nothing to heal us. If this needs to be taken out of the public eye, let us do so.

I shall leave that decision to you. Feel free to let me know.

Permalink Reply by Oakthorne on August 14, 2011 at 1:29

Hey there, hun. Just touching base - how resolved are you feeling with all of this? I don't like to leave things undone, so do let me know if you'd like to continue forward with this topic, or if you're content to leave it as-is for the moment. :)

Permalink Reply by Flammeous {De Empress} on August 15, 2011 at 7:08

At the moment I have been doing everything possible to help my mom who just had a stroke a few weeks ago. Understandably this is the last thing on my mind right now.