Thank you Oak for this topic, and making us all think about what is really important! This took me a while, but upon finishing was worth it. Scary though, to see your needs written down (makes them more real).
1) Self Confidence - not material, but my personal fears of failing have been holding me back a lot, and it's starting to get on my nerves. I'm failing to start new things or try things out like I used to because I'm afraid it will adversely affect my life in the future.
2) Direction - Linked to above, but really I want to know where I will be successful and follow those paths first.
3) Creativity - Again linked to above (Wow, my thoughts are just one big Celtic knot!) I need to be able to use this to a maximum to solve the other two problems, sleuth out the perfect job, and now find other alternatives to many of the things I eat/ use to deal with allergies.
Please don't think I haven't read everyone else's needs. I feel bad replying when I know so little about ... well... a lot. haha. :)
Need to get some stuff done around here, but wanted to give you a suggestion about direction. If you're looking for career success, I'd suggest spending some time with the Bureau of Labor Statistics "Occupational Outlook Handbook". It gives thousands of career categories and then gives information about growth in the future, education or skills desired, and so on. It's very helpful to brainstorm ideas about what type of career you're looking for, as well as give some idea about how it would do for your life:
Heya, darlin'. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. But here I am now! :) To begin with: a reading!
Past: Ten of Cups, Inverse. Flat-out, this card is about the kind of stress and lack of success in life that brings about a deep sorrow, or melancholy. You past has been one where you're hyper-aware of any perceived failings, and it looks like you've probably dealt with some depression as a result of that self-concept.
Present: Knight of Pentacles, Inverse. The inversed position of this card speaks to a life in transition. You're in the midst of passing from one state of your life to the next, and it's left you feeling a little unsettled. This card has connotations of pickiness, stubbornness and a fear of not being "capable enough". There is also (as it's the Pentacles) a streak of materialism in it.
Future: Four of Swords. This is the card of recuperation - it speaks to the need to rest, to meditate and to contemplate.
Alright. Now, according to this reading, you got it into your head at some point in the past that you weren't capable. It was probably some sort of failing (or perceived failing), and it's shaken your sense of self confidence, in such a way that you haven't come clean about it to many people. It's been a source of depression, as a result, and a fear that you somehow aren't competent within yourself.
As a result, you're feeling like you're at a transition point - like things are neither one thing or the other right now, and you're sort of waiting for something to happen, but afraid to be the catalyst for that transition because of that lack of faith in your ability and competency. That manifests as a sense of being ill-at-ease: it seems like you can't be content or happy with the things going on in your life, because there's the sense that they're not permanent.
That's a fear of loss, too, because if you're waiting for things to change, but rejecting your competency to change them, that means you're expecting outside forces to change them - thus, you have a sense of powerlessness, because you're waiting for change to happen, but not wanting to be the agency of that change. That's a scary place to be in.
Your future card talks about what you need, I feel. You need an opportunity to recover your center. There will be other steps towards overcoming the core of this difficulty, which is a fear of incompetency (and the shame that comes with that), but for now, you need some clarity and a chance to simply breathe.
Are you meditating right now? Because if you're not, you should be.
Go ahead and give this a read-through, let me know where you're at with the information, and we'll move forward from here.