Time to Turn Inward or Outward? - RealPagan- Paganism for the Real World

I like this thread. :) I agre…

2012-01-07T17:03:09.405Z

I like this thread. :)
I agree that you should do a bit of both. My mind tends to race when I'm upset, and it can get pretty wild in there. All those thoughts just weigh on me until I'm depressed.Outward time allows me to ignore those nasty thoughts.
Have you considered looking up an old friend on Facebook and reconnecting with them? It should help that you already kinda know them (though people do change over time) and if it goes well, you can meet their newer friends. :) Before you know it, you have a good handful of friends to go out with and have all kinds of fun! :)

I agree with Lady Morgen and…

2012-01-07T03:38:37.469Z

I agree with Lady Morgen and Makoons. I want to add, however, that maybe you shouldn't put a set period of time for this - "a year of going inward" or "a year of going outward" means that one of the options gets left on the back burner for an awful long time.

With my type of temper - and I'm like you, I have a hard time being with more than 1-2 people at a time, especially if it's not my close family - I'm inclined to say: start with going inward for a while, and maybe at some point in the summer, start adding a bit of outward, gradually. It's important to be healed, at least in part, before going outward, otherwise your inner wounds will come and bite you on the nose - hard - in a while because they were neglected in the first place. Don't discard them.

Also, since you're keeping a journal, maybe that could become your main "inward" activity (maybe along with painting)? Go crazy and write write write. When you're tired of writing... it would be time to slowly reach outward...

And... that idea from your father, that you are not tied down, is fabulous. Thank you for sharing that little bit of wisdom. :)

Thankfully it isn't an either…

2012-01-07T00:08:15.691Z

Thankfully it isn't an either/or. Be inward on days when you feel meh, and be outward on days when you feel whee. Just give yourself permission to get on with living, and things will fall into place.

if I were you I would be bold…

2012-01-06T20:23:04.128Z

if I were you I would be bold, be courageous... be the pheonix rising from the ashes. You have a chance to be reborn into a stronger, better, more free "you"...

Be deliberate. Conquer your fear and shed your burdens. Now is a perfect time to chase a dream. Also, let yourself explore "fun", remember that? I get the impression that you want to "turn inward" more out of fear of losing control that out of a desire to work on yourself... Is that the case. I think the best approach is to explore... then return "home" to yourself and consider, the rinse and repeat LOL! Balance an inner journey, with the outer one. Take risks (no stupid ones) but daring risks and discover new parts of yourself!

So to me, I say... don't pick a path 'inward or outward'- instead... journey down a two forked road!

Good Luck!

Megan

I think if you choose to turn…

2012-01-06T20:14:05.439Z

I think if you choose to turn inward and sort out your feelings it will help and I also think over time you will turn outward without actually trying, because by that time your mind and body will be healed and you will automatically be ready to move on with new things. Does that make sense? I was trying to think of how to word that without sounding like an idiot lol!

Makoons said: To my mind, I w…

2012-01-06T19:23:22.442Z

Makoons said:

To my mind, I would try having a healthy balance of both. When I broke up with my first fiancee 4 years ago I went through something similar. I was heartbroken, but also excited to see where my new-found freedom would take me and what I could really do with it. Sad, but liberated.

I did take time to heal internally. I went to ceremonies, I spoke one-on-one with the spirits, I journaled, and I did what it took to heal and be confident in myself. I knew I would never be happy in life if I didn't learn what I wanted in life and what I liked about myself.

I also indulged in my new singlehood. I went out when I felt like it, partied, drank for the first time in my life, smoked for the first time in my life and loved every moment of not having someone to answer to. There's a point where such behavior can get destructive, but I was always careful to not step over the line. That, and I completely cleared my mind of any thoughts of getting intimate with someone new...casually or otherwise. I needed to spend quality time with me and not be focused on finding solace in someone else.

(THIS. THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES THIS. Take that, Jai!)
((Er. Outside conversation, nevermind. XD))

Starting over is always scary, but I'm of the mind that that doesn't mean it can't also be fun. Maybe I'm a really annoying optimist but I've always liked the feeling of now knowing where a new adventure is going to take me.

Makoonsybutt, your post has so far been the most in line with the way my mind has been working over the past few weeks, and it's nice to see someone clear up the clutter and present the thoughts in a nice clean coherent way. I love how you do that. Such a skill! :D
I'll think about this post a lot in the weeks/months to come, I believe. I may end up chasing you up whenever you're online. Your loveliness has doomed you to incessant harassment and kitty loves! Thankyou, sweets. <3

To my mind, I would try havin…

2012-01-06T19:16:41.299Z

To my mind, I would try having a healthy balance of both. When I broke up with my first fiancee 4 years ago I went through something similar. I was heartbroken, but also excited to see where my new-found freedom would take me and what I could really do with it. Sad, but liberated.

I did take time to heal internally. I went to ceremonies, I spoke one-on-one with the spirits, I journaled, and I did what it took to heal and be confident in myself. I knew I would never be happy in life if I didn't learn what I wanted in life and what I liked about myself.

I also indulged in my new singlehood. I went out when I felt like it, partied, drank for the first time in my life, smoked for the first time in my life and loved every moment of not having someone to answer to. There's a point where such behavior can get destructive, but I was always careful to not step over the line. That, and I completely cleared my mind of any thoughts of getting intimate with someone new...casually or otherwise. I needed to spend quality time with me and not be focused on finding solace in someone else.

Starting over is always scary, but I'm of the mind that that doesn't mean it can't also be fun. Maybe I'm a really annoying optimist but I've always liked the feeling of now knowing where a new adventure is going to take me.

Lady Morgen/Allergic to FLUFF…

2012-01-06T19:10:32.887Z

Lady Morgen/Allergic to FLUFF! said:

Blessings and Huggle Nels!

i would suggest, first, Start a NEW Journal. Fresh Page, and choose a colour of Ink that you usually don't use.

Next, take it week by week, spend a little time each day at first, looking back, and then later on the week, Looking forward. Add something New to what you already do. Do ordinary things in a differnt order. Spend that much needed alone time, Alone! Pick a place for the Alone time that is differnt than where you are used to spending it alone.

Don't seek to change too much too quick, but make the changes slowly and deliberately. in time, you will see what works and what doesnt and maybe even along the way, discover a Newness that you would have never seen before!

:) Huggles!

Morgen

What fantastic advice... Thankyou Morgen m'sweet. I've actually started journalling, lulz, in purple pen, so this amused me to no end. (I am so easily amused. XD)

I think I will work on the different order of things and taking myself to different places. We live by the river and I never go down there by myself, but always wanted to... So I think I might do so.

Thankyou sweetheart. *Hugs*

Blessings and Huggle Nels! i…

2012-01-06T19:05:26.350Z

Blessings and Huggle Nels!

i would suggest, first, Start a NEW Journal. Fresh Page, and choose a colour of Ink that you usually don't use.

Next, take it week by week, spend a little time each day at first, looking back, and then later on the week, Looking forward. Add something New to what you already do. Do ordinary things in a differnt order. Spend that much needed alone time, Alone! Pick a place for the Alone time that is differnt than where you are used to spending it alone.

Don't seek to change too much too quick, but make the changes slowly and deliberately. in time, you will see what works and what doesnt and maybe even along the way, discover a Newness that you would have never seen before!

:) Huggles!

Morgen

Adam al Ghul said: I suggest…

2012-01-06T19:02:13.696Z

Adam al Ghul said:

I suggest you take the inward path. Although it wasn't a post-relationship trauma, I was like how you feel during my last year of college. I was down and felt worn down emotionally and physically. So I took the year off afterwards instead of going to University straight away and I took the time to focus on myself and sort myself out, and now I am much better.

Although the outward option can be a good one too, perhaps it will be more like a distraction from your personal problems, rather than a cure. You're young (I assume) you have time to do both. Sort out your head and heart, then see what life has to offer if you feel that is what you need.

This is what I was thinking too. I don't know how to be social and for a long while I had a fear of strangers and crowds, so going out and socialising with strangers still makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. That discomfort is why I think about the outward direction as well, though. My wariness might just be some remaining symptom of that phobia. If I'm wrong, though, and what you say is true, then I'd be doing myself more damage than good.
I like the idea of turning inward. It could help a lot of things, but if I'm right about the turning outward/people phobia thing, then it could also do more damage. I might never come out of the introverted state. It's all a bit confusing and I don't like it. XD

I like the way you think and the things you've said. Thankyou for offering your thoughts... I appreciate it. :)