Im sorry to hear about your lose. All to often in life things happen for seemingly no reason at all. But as someone who has seen their fair share of lose i can tell you the pain will never go away but every day itll get a little easyer. Its ok for you to feel pain and anger its normal. I wish i could say something that would lift this sadness from your sholders but i cant no one truely can. Theres only one thing i can tell you it helped me through the death of my best friend I dont look at a death as a time of sorrow for the end of a life insted i choose to look at it as a time to celebrate the life of the person. I hope this helps you somewhat and again im so sorry for your lose.
brightest blessing, Unholy
I found this nice text a while ago, may it bring you some comfort...
I am really sorry for your loss. I know what it is to lose somebody, and how people assume suicide when it may not have been at all, and they don't have the whole story.
Unholy Angel is right that it will get easier. It is also true that the pain never really leaves.
I usually burn candles and rosemary smudge sticks for the duration of a week to a month.
If you have any of their items then you can place those on altar with a picture and burn the candles. You can also write a letter to your friend and burn it, as it burns the message should be passed on to the spirit world. If you can't burn the letter then you can bury it in the earth or pot and plant a tree or plant in that area if you are that way inclined.
NightStorm I hear your song and feel your pain. I know this kind of lose an it is hard to deal with to wrap your mind around the effect it has on you. I know from first hand experience I sadly have lost more then a few mates in ways that involved just themselves and their buzz.
First no matter how your Mate Sleeping Wolf left this life it hurts. You cared for him and it make it harder to deal with when you find out how they died trust me I know.
I will say the posts before mine by Unholy Angel,Elise and Nightshade are word of wise counsel kind and caring words.
NightStorm I will tell you this it Ok to be mad at Sleeping Wolf you know as mean or as hard as it sounds that part of dealing with coping with grief. In a case like this (back to sounding mean) with way more questions then answer it make it harder.
There are times our friends and loved ones end up doing things when sober they would not try but sadly when we get a good buzz on we tend to toss good thinking out the window. I might say if you can talk to folks that were with him that night it might be hard to do but it will help on a couple of levels. One it might help you find the truth. Two it will put you in touch with other folks that are dealing with the same lose.Getting in touch with these folks may not be possible for you I don't know but it worth a try.
As the ladies have already pointed out the pain never really goes away but it does get easier as time pass. I also think you should celebrate his life not morn his passing for if he had not lived and walk his part of your path of life . You would not have know the gift of his friend ship.
Just know this You are not alone I did not know Him, We did not know Sleeping Wolf But I think I can speak for my Sisters(fellow post to this point) on this dear NightStorm it will get better and as I said You are not alone.
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend. I can't imagine the pain you are experiencing. Don't let other people dissuade you from mourning. Saying things like they have no sympathy for those who commit suicide is just a way for them to excuse themselves from that pain and ignore their loss. Feeling the loss is the bravest thing you can do.
First, let me encourage you to mourn. Be sad. Cry. I know that no one WANTS to feel those emotions, but it could cause you worse pain if you bottle it up. Secondly, if it's something that continues to affect your everyday life and mood you should consider seeking counseling. You don't have to be "crazy" or "having something wrong with you" to see a therapist...and I've known so many people it has helped cope, including myself.
Finally, I would encourage you to find your own special way of honoring your friend. Something my people would do is have a feast for them (alone or with friends). As part of the feast, create a small "spirit dish"...a plate (we make little containers out of birch bark and red willow but often use stuff like envelopes and paper plates in a pinch) containing a small portion of each food item served. We then say a prayer and burn the dish in a fire, sending our prayer and the food up to the Spirit of the person we are honoring. This is just an idea of the sort of thing I do, like I said I think it would mean the most if it came from your heart and honored your friend in a personal way.
Last night, you spoke about how you didn't feel as if Sleeping Wolf was gone... that for you, it wasn't real...Made me start thinking of something I had heard at the services of my friend, of twenty-five years.... The Author it unknown, yet, I hope it is something that will let you see something; that from what you have said, I am sure your friend would have wanted you to remember....
I'm Still Here
Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
I'm the colourful leaves when Autumn's around
And the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
You can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm every place!
As for the anger, ohhhh Hun, that is something that is bound to be... To be left with the unanswered questions, the unknowns of why, on top of the loss...Cry, scream, and let the pain and sorrow pass through you... for until you do,trying to keep them bottled up within, will make it all the harder in the end....You need to read one more thing....This was read at my Dad service, it is something the four of us kids chose ....I hope it helps you remember the positives... for I am sure he wouldn't have been such a part of your life if he hadn't been a positive!
The Dash – Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning..to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears, 1964-1994
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth..
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars..the house..the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you”d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’’s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we”ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy’’s being read
With your life’’s actions to rehash..
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
As for honouring someone who made such an impact on your life....think of all the things he did that brought you joy/laughter/ and happiness. Is there someway that you can use these memories (poem/quotes/pictures/trinkets) to build a collage? Something that will be personal to you and allow you to look upon the times you shared with thanks, for it is very obvious, he blessed your life in many ways...then, when you have moments of needed to reach out, light a candle and look into what you have created.... go back to those moments shared, relive them and all they meant....Blessed Be and huge hugs MJ )O(
I have nothing to add to the plethora of beautiful advice you've been given here, except that I'm also very sorry for your loss.
Take good care.
So sorry for your loss. I only add this sorrow shared is lessened and joy shared is expanded. hold on to both and know we share in the joy or your knowing and loving your friend and the pain of his loss. I do not know you or him yet tears fill my eyes as i write this. It is my way of helping by taking on the shared pain of loss. Blessings hugs and much future joy to you.
I shall light a candle for you, I'm am so sorry for your loss. blessings
I don't normally hand out spells or such, but I know grief, and I can't see putting up something to help being so bad.
Easing Grief or Sadness
~Any memorabilia that tends to evoke sadness (i.e. letters, pictures, gifts, etc...)
~An object that reminds you of an upcoming event which is likely to bring you pleasure (i.e. a holiday, birthday, etc...)
~Blankets and/or pillows
Create a circle. Sit while holding the memorabilia and allow the feelings to come freely. Say aloud why you are sad. It's ok to cry, yell or pound. Find a key phrase that expresses your grief and say it out lout; over and over. Now visualize yourself being held close by the Goddess, who rocks and comforts you. Swathe yourself in the blankets and pillows, and rock gently back and forth as you feel her warm embrace. After a while, look at the memorabilia again, and recall that in the circle, all time is now. What once yad, you always have in your heart, as long as you don't shut it out. What you were given is real, and helped mild your life, and can never be taken away as long as you remember and cherish it. Remember the good times and when you are ready, thank the Lady that reminds you had them. Now bring out the object that reminds you of an upcoming event (a visit to a favorite friend or relative, as special holiday or conference that should be exciting). Remind yourself that life goes on, that there is still much to look forward to. This is only a tiny sample of the good times ahead for you. Ask her to heal your pain. Open the circle and go visit a friend.
When someone you love dies, it seems your grief will never fade. This spell gives you something to hold on to as you count down the days of your mourning year.
You will need:
~Photo of loved one
~2 pretty jars
~364 small black beads
~1 large white bead
Place jars on altar. Place picture between them. Place all beads in one jar. Each day move one black bead to the opposite jar. Consider your feelings that day. When you get to the white, take some extra time to wish your loved one well.
Know your loved ones were lucky enough to enjoy the time that they got to have to be loved by you, and that they gave you love in return. I know it is not much comfort now, but I am sure that they know you loved them, and want the best for you. I hope this helps in some small way to ease the pain of losing them.
Hope these help, and my condolences.