I will begin this by saying I spend way too much time thinking. I'm not sure which thoughts may or may not have life to them in a magical sense. I know I can dreamwalk, I'm empathic, telepathic, my visualizations seem terribly real... the things I see etc. The lines blur though, and who can say what has a life beyond my brain? I question the reality to all that I do but I KNOW, and I have PROVEN that I am not delusional or simply imaginative.

 I have a very troubled past. For this, I hold certain people responsible. Some form of PTSD still remains though I feel I have emotionally healed a great deal from where I was 1 -2 years ago. I have flash backs, and I feel, as my anger grows, the swirling of energy about me. I feel as though this energy, generated by my anger, could hurt the people I hold responsible for my past. 

 I don't WANT to.... yet I do. I WANT to hurt them as they hurt me. I don't feel that it would be healthy to do so... but I just want to. Yes, I know revenge etc.... *sigh* I don't feel that holding this anger within me is healthy either. If I release it... WILL it cause them harm? If I feed it and allow it to grow... into what I perceive as a tangible thing... IS it really there? Has anyone else any experience with this? I'm personally not looking to hurt anyone but this deeper part of my soul just begs for me to do so sometimes.... 

 Anyways. The extent of my question is more... is this a real, and possibly hurtful energy brewing on my emotions? How can I tell? How can I safely release this without doing something I might regret... yet give myself some sense of closure on my past?
 

Tags: Anger, emotions, energy

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Of all of our emotions, anger is the most dangerous and difficult to deal with, I think, so I feel for you.

I am sorry to hear you have past hurts that aren't really healing properly - but I was always told never do any pathwork in anger.   I guess it's a thin line between Justice and Revenge, and anger clouds the boundaries and makes it all the thinner.  Getting closure on any bad situation isn't always easy, but walking away and letting it go is the path to emotional maturity.  People unfortunately sometimes make bad decisions which affect others in a negative way.. we don't always know why.. not that that excuses them in any way, but it's reason enough to think on..  

My suggestion would be to do some kind of "funeral-like" ritual where you can let out, "kill" and bury the anger, cut the ties to your painful past, and make a new "birth-like" start to being the person who lives from that point on without carrying all that awful baggage on their shoulders... I'm not going to tell you how because that would be a personal thing, but I am sure you will be able to find a way.

May you find peace in your heart soon xx

I have had to deal with anger like this that "swirls" within me, anger that grows upon itself and sometimes feels as if I'm "shooting daggers" in my mind's eye.  I have come to realize that this anger is unhealthy and just as toxic as the things I withstood as a child, young adult, and even as an adult.  Letting go of that anger is difficult to do, but it is necessary to start living in the now and not in the past.  It gets us nowhere but upset.  I have found journaling and writing mundane letters to be very useful.  If you try everything you can and still cannot find peace swirling rather than anger, I would talk to a counselor.  I do not presume to know the things you have undergone.

Blessings and ((((HUGE HUGS)))))) Little One.....

Let's start this off first, and foremost with that!!!!

Now to the nitty gritty .....

Hold on to your hat Darlin, for I need to redirect your attention for a minute.....

First, let me tell you about this person I see, for I think it important that you see yourself, from someone else's perspective for a moment....

I see a strong woman who exemplifies giving of herself to her children and husband, to the fullest extent in her everyday life....I see a strong woman who works hard at being all that she can be, at every opportunity that presents itself. 

Personally, I think this is something that you must be willing to acknowledge and accept...This is a strong energy that you hold within you...Many would say it is the strength and energy of a survivor... and in actuality it is!!!!

This strength has various focus points, all of which you have been able to draw from, to call upon, to aid you in battling other demons that have ridden on your shoulder a time or two. You have  survived these situations because of this...

One of the many things that is often forgotten, is the following......

        """I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"""....

( This quote is one, that hangs right above me, as I type this...by Maya Angelou)

Do I think you have grown and been changed by the past and what has happened? Yes, with certainty. Yet, I think you have stood your ground and refused to be reduced by it.....Daily, you show this.....You use the energy born of anger, call upon it to allow you to make positive changes within yourself and your life.  This is not something that is done at the snap of a finger.... It is something that requires you to face the demons of the past, acknowledge them, and still move through them... At times, with confidence, and at other times , with a little self doubt....But, don't we all doubt ourselves at various levels, and times....


Will you act in haste and utilize this energy to harm another??? Tis my belief, it is not in your nature to harm. Rather, your life is that of one who nurtures. Continue on with confidence in yourself, see what those around you see....

A woman who stands strong beside those she loves and battles only  to protect those she loves or feels need her protection... 

Each day you heal a little more. Each day you find another way of utilizing what is negative, and turn it into the positive...Eventually, the negative energy will burn away and leave you... and as you leave its wake, turn around and see what good you have managed to bring about because of it.... Be Proud of the changes, be willing to acknowledge that without you, they may never have had the opportunities to become all that you allowed them to be....

Blessed Be Hun      MJ )O(

Aversion or denial allows you to not focus on the issue at hand.  Anger is an aversion tool.  The attempt to suppress anger is like throwing fire into a fire thinking this will put it out.  Most human beings spend their lives in constant protection of a very tender spot. This tender spot, allows us to be compassionate, loving, kind, sympathetic, empathetic.  Naturally, it is also the place that feels pain.  I believe that people drawn to healing, artistic or mystical endeavors are very aware of this tender place that all humans have.  Some of us have learned to cultivate this ability, to shield and open it when necessary.

Anger will naturally occur as a warning signal that either your boundaries have been violated or you are in fear of your boundaries being violated.  This does not mean you must obsess about the warning signal.  All one must do is host this emotion, give it space but do not feed it, do not propel it but mostly do not deny it.  The suppression of anger gives it a powerful backlash which can manifest now, or in the future.  Our emotions are part of us, and when we tell parts of ourselves that they are bad, they will now or latter rattle that cage to be heard.  If you truly learn to host your emotions, that very acknowledgement begins the process of naturally allowing them to deescalate.  Yet, you must also confront the reason for the anger.  Anger is sometimes responding from an illusory perception, which if you clarify, allows it to dissipate.  If it is not an illusion it is responding to, if someone is harming you, you must stand up for yourself assertively and draw healthy boundaries.  Once you live in no fear of hosting your own angry emotions, you can respond to inappropriate behavior with sever logic and power.  Not only this, but you are less judgmental of other people's emotions and you give them space to experience them in a healthy manner.  Remember however, anger will try to make you not see something.  It is drawing your attention, away.  If you can find this root, if you can sit with whatever it is you are afraid of being with, there is less need for anger.

I must admit here, that I have been working with anger in the past year.  I have been very successful using meditation techniques to honor my emotions rather than suppress them, seek out and illuminate the root causes of the emotions, do not deny them, but do not feed them.  

If you attach yourself to any emotion, good or bad, then you are creating a very unhealthy situation.  They must flow through you like a spear through the surface of water.  It may cause ripples but no damage.  If however you are iced over, the spear will hit the surface of who you are and create damage.  When you respect your difficult emotions as much as you do your easy emotions, you become a fuller human being; with respect for others who struggle the same experiences.  

Ares and Aphrodite have been great teachers in the realm of emotions.  

I hoped this helped.  If i were to make any suggestion on this topic i would suggest a book called Shambalah, I am currently takng a Shambalah Warrior class.  And I have pretty much paraphrased it to my limited ability. Obviously your philosophy may differ from mine, and this is fine, what is necessary is for you to adapt in a way that is most appropriate for you.  

Hugs and Well Wises

R'

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